(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)
By Mark Levy and Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 5/19/2015 at 9:30 PM
Haifa: In the aftermath of last week’s cyber-attack, a team at Haifa’s prestigious Technion Institute have revealed today that the ‘Secret Tel Aviv’ Facebook Page is now a fully sentient and self-aware entity that is capable of generating its own absurd traffic, and then answering that traffic with even more ridiculous responses. Doctoral candidates Gideon B. and Alex G. walked the Daily Freier through this chilling development.
“What we are facing is what is known as a Chutzpadik Black Hole” explained Gideon as we toured their state of the art simulation of the Secret Tel Aviv entity at the Technion. “Basically, as the environment of the website becomes more and more ridiculous, it actually slows down. What I am saying is that as the website approaches maximum absurdity, it actually seems more normal to those who interact with it. It is in this environment, that it seems perfectly normal to ask strangers to help you with your bikini purchase when at least half of the site demographics consists of, you know, MEN FROM TEL AVIV.”
“Secret Tel Aviv is now fully capable of operating as a self-aware being on the entire spectrum: crowd-sourced advice on difficult relationships, what to do with a tarantula that you found under your rug, semi-legal requests for advice on how to avoid Israeli customs fees, you name it.” stated Alex as we toured the room-sized simulation of Secret Tel Aviv.
The Israeli Government has expressed serious concern about this frightening turn of events, but Gideon urged caution. “I told the Shin Bet guys who stopped by today that you do NOT want to try to shut down the site against its will.“
When the Daily Freier asked Alex if there was one specific event that spurred Secret Tel Aviv to enter a higher plane of existence, Alex noted “I have to stress that we are still awaiting the results of peer review, but if I had to guess, I would venture that it was when the guy asked for help finding a rave dance party that offered babysitting.”