Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this article.

By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 5/1/2016 at 10:00 AM

Tel Aviv, Ben Yehuda Street: It’s been a rough couple of months.  You met some real jerks here, like they just find you or something. You gave up on going out to bars, but it’s your friend Ari’s shift, and it’s always fun when she’s behind the bar.  And who is this who just sat down next to you?  Is he new here?  He seems so…. different. Not like the other guys.

So he says that he just came back from Thailand after he finished his Army service.  And he wasn’t a jobnik…. he was in a K-9 Unit in the Jordan Valley!  So in a few weeks he says he will have his surfing instructor license.  And he’s also working in a start-up! You asked him how old he is and he said “35 in dog years”. But that doesn’t even make any sense. And it’s a bit weird that he still lives at home at 35.  But whatever.

So now he says he wants to take you to Eilat next weekend. That’s a bit fast. But he’s Israeli.  And why does he keep referring to his ex as his “former bitch”.  That’s like really sexist.

Wait, Ari is getting you a chaser!  Yay! And she’s leaning in to whisper something.  “This guy’s a dog.”

“But he seems nice!”

“No. Listen to me. He is….a dog.”

“I think you’re just jealous.”

OK, so now your friend Aurelia is getting your attention.  Apparently, he brings a different girl here every night.  But just to be discreet, he sits in a different part of the bar.

Welcome to Israel.

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