(Photo Credit: Our Friends at the Ezzedeen Al-Qassam Brigades)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 5/12/2016 at 10:00 AM

New Haven: Renowned linguist of Semitic languages Carlton Howe made a fascinating discovery earlier today.  Using a combination of texts, recorded speech, and other media, Dr. Howe managed to decipher that the meaning of the Arabic term “Naqba” was  actually “Sorry We Didn’t Push You into the Sea“.  Dr. Howe explained his findings to the Daily Freier.

“Languages contain nuance and hidden meaning.” explained Dr. Howe as we sipped tea in his study.  “Which makes the role of a scholar so truly exciting. So previous scholars stated that ‘Naqba’ means ‘disaster’. But that is simply not the case. By comparing historical texts in Arabic to contemporary speeches and poems, I was able to determine the true meaning of this term.  I don’t think I am being a Gasconading Academic when I tell you that this is a true “Rosetta Stone” moment. And by ‘Rosetta Stone’ I don’t mean those goofy language videos that you check out of the library.”

News of Dr. Howe’s findings spread quickly throughout academia, with some of his department rivals challenging his findings by stating that ‘Al Naqba” actually means “Please don’t hold us responsible for our actions“, or “I demand a Do-Over” or even possibly “Next time we will get it right“.