By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 3/30/2017 at 3:00 AM

Tel Aviv, Bialik Square: With the Passover holiday only days away and preparations in full swing, Tel Aviv police executed a pre-dawn extraction operation, moving the giant carp that lives in the pool on Bialik Street to a place up in Ramat Aviv  an undisclosed location. The move, dubbed “Operation EYN GEFILTE” serves to protect the well-being of a prominent citizen of Central Tel Aviv, Yoel the giant carp. The Daily Freier spoke with Yoel by Skype as he adjusted to his new circumstances.

Yoel explained his predicament. “I really like my neighborhood. The old city hall is gorgeously backlit at night. And the jasmine flowers in the summer time smell amazing. But right about now, things just aren’t OK. I’m starting to get a lot of unwanted attention. This Russian speaking lady comes by every day with her grandson. And the grandson really likes it and sometimes throws bread in, which is great. I mean, no complaints. But lately, the portions have gotten suspiciously bigger. And soaked in chicken fat. Also, yesterday as I snatched the breadcrumbs, she held a measuring stick up to me and then held it up against a metal 4 liter pot. And get this….the whole time, she never broke eye contact with me and never stopped smiling.”

Yoel continued. “There is another woman who always stops by after taking her kids to Gan. Quiet. Usually she just sits on the ledge and reads a book. But yesterday she sprinkled paprika and coriander into the water. And listen, I’m not paranoid. I mean, it’s not just me. Last week, one of the pigeons that stops by to snatch stray breadcrumbs told me that a Moroccan family moved into the building he nests on top of and now his friends keep disappearing.

Despite Yoel’s willingness to speak to the media about his fears, key questions remained unanswered. When asked the secret to how he was able to get so big, Yoel suddenly got very quiet. Also, we noticed that none of the other fish seemed to want to pass near him.