(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 6/4/2017 at 5:15 PM

Tel Aviv, HaMelech George: OMG did you see that guy? I mean even though he isn’t wearing much clothes, what he IS wearing actually matches and wasn’t found on a Tel Aviv park bench. And he’s in A-MA-ZING shape too! Then again,  so are a lot of guys here.

But wait, you’ve sat next to him now for 15 minutes and he’s being so NICE to you. And not a “let me buy you chasers and try to bang you” nice but actually, like, NICE. Come to think of it, it’s been almost a half hour now and he hasn’t even made a move on you. What a breath of fresh air! Normally, a Tel Aviv guy would have already tried to go up your shirt and/or invite you to his cousin’s wedding in Holon next week.

Wait, they’re playing great music now and he wants to dance! OMG pinch me! Not really a Cher fan, but this song is pretty good! And this guy has some amazing moves. Really feeling the vibe between you two right now. OMG do you think he’s going to try to kiss me on the dance floor? I mean, like, as soon as he finishes dancing by himself in the corner.

OK so he didn’t try anything on the dance floor. But that’s totally cool. Again, it’s nice to be with a guy who takes it slow. Wait, his friends from out-of-town just showed up at the bar. And they are all really cute! And not afraid to take risks with fashion! I mean, I don’t think his Canadian friend Steve is even wearing pants. Also, it seems these guys have been friends for a long time. Because they are acting really…. close. But that’s great. Just feeling really relaxed and safe with these guys.

So now the club’s lights are on and everyone is going home. Wonder when he’s going to pull a move on me. Wait, where is he? And where is his friend Danny? I just saw them, where did they go? Maybe he forgot his hat. OK, I will just wait for him outside.

So it’s been three hours now. What the hell?