(photo credit: Secret Tel Aviv)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 5/23/2018 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Florentin: The State of Israel is currently losing patience with the fact that you still haven’t given them a complete synopsis of your Midburn experience, starting with your Camp’s months of preparation and ending with you driving your filthy car home to Tel Aviv. Midburn is Israel’s answer to Burning Man, and attendees are normally about as reluctant to overshare as a Vegan who does Cross-Fit. Anyhoo, The Daily Freier spoke with several of your friends, neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, relatives, and exes to get their feelings about your critical failure to tell them everything about your Midburn Camp already.

“Wow, I am DYING to hear about his trip.” exclaimed alert local Ronit S. “I mean, everyone from his camp spent the past 2 months hanging out on our apartment building’s communal roof twice a week.  It turns out they were building a bunch of structures for their Camp.” Ronit took a drag from her cigarette. “You know, for a while I wasn’t sure, because it all just looked like the regular garbage on our roof.”

The Daily Freier also caught up with your ex, who shared her theories on what happened at Midburn. “I’m going to make a crazy guess…. but they did some drugs….. And then they did some more drugs.”

“Did they listen to electronic dance music?” inquired your cousin Avner. “How about glow sticks. Because I really can’t get enough stories about glow sticks.”

“Wait, did the sand end up EVERYWHERE?” asked your Boss at the Startup. “That’s just CRAZY!” Later, your boss confided that you showed him fake tickets to Berlin for a fake Tech Expo because you didn’t want him to know that you were just going to go hang out in the desert and hallucinate/blow bubbles/wear a costume that looked like something from Return of the Jedi.

Meanwhile, this year’s inaugural Nefesh B’Nefesh camp at MidBurn was met with controversy after 7 Americans who had extended their Taglit trip to attend MidBurn woke up from 8 hours on mushrooms only to find out that they had signed Aliyah paperwork and were about to start Ulpan in Afula as part of the organization’s “Go North Program“.

Finally, the women who work in the next cubicle from you had questions of their own. “So we’ve been discussing this all morning….and it’s still just a concept….but did he have a romantic encounter there? And was he not sure if it was a ‘real life’ romantic encounter or ‘just a Midburn thing’?  Because we might have to cancel morning staff meeting and just discuss this instead.”

Yet not everyone in town was even aware that Midburn occurred this week. “So you’re saying that Midburn already happened?” wondered the guy who works at your corner coffee shop. “I guess that explains why I couldn’t get anything on Telegrass last week.“

*Special thanks to alert citizen-journalist Eric Narrow who contributed to this story.