Category: Dogs

“Our Dogs Were Not Compatible” Now Acceptable Grounds for Divorce at Tel Aviv District Court

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(Photo Credit: Getty Images)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 1/8/2016 at 11:10 AM

Tel Aviv, Weizmann: In a sign of the changing times that we live in, Tel Aviv’s Municipal Court is amending its laws for approving the granting of a divorce. Starting January 1st, “Our Dogs Were Not Compatible” is now a legally binding grounds for divorce under the civil laws of the State of Israel for couples who have resided within Tel Aviv city limits for at least one calendar year. 

Think of this as the Judicial System meeting a remarkably self-absorbed city halfway.” explained Senior Judge Yekutiel S. “The court is also currently contemplating whether to permit a divorce when one partner states that they want to move north of the Yarkon River or East of Ayalon Highway.”

In order to get a sense of the human side of this ruling, the Daily Freier spoke to the unfortunate litigants of a civil divorce as they departed the courtroom.

When I first met Danny, everything was great.” explained a tearful Smadar R. “He seemed to really like Chris, my Lhasa Apso. But then six months after we got married he decided he wanted a chocolate lab. He said he always wanted one growing up in America.  I told him that this would make Chris upset.  And besides, by then it was illegal in the city to own a normal sized dog. But no. He just HAD to have a chocolate lab.  And yada yada yada we’re here in divorce court.”

After Smadar’s departure, the Daily Freier was able to have some words with Danny as well. “Really?” he noted sarcastically; “She’s still going on about Chris?  Did I mention that Chris has its own dog therapist?  Second of all, she named her dog Chris.  WTF? Like Who does that?  And with her accent it was always ‘Kreees! Kreees!‘ I still hear that shit in my sleep…..Wait, did she ask anything else about me?

In order to prevent circumvention of the law by parties that did not meet residency requirements, the Court requires extensive documentation of Tel Aviv residency. However, the Court has a number of venues to establish proof of residency to include Arnona bills, old bracelets from Biggie Z, screenshots of  a blog you started and then stopped when you made Aliyah, archived questions that you asked on Secret Tel Aviv (Asking “on behalf of a friend” is also accepted), and a sworn/notarized statement from your juice guy that he saw you around a lot.

For a moment, The Daily Freier thought about writing a little about the Beit Din, but the last time we did that we got jumped by a bunch of yeshiva bochers and now we can’t go back to Tzfat any more.

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Bowing to Public Pressure, Tel Aviv City Council Bans Normal-Sized Dogs

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(Photo Credit: langeasy.com)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 8/19/2015 at 1:10 PM

Tel Aviv, Hayarkon Dog Park: Tel Aviv dog owners are excited about last night’s City Council decision banning dogs that weigh more than 2 kilograms or less than 50 kilograms.  “It’s about time” said North Tel Aviv realtor Dalit F., as she removed her chihuahua from her purse and released him into the popular dog park located on the South Shore of the Hayarkon River.  “I don’t even understand why anyone would even want a normal-sized dog anyway.  Either the dog should be smaller than a pair of shoes or larger than a pony.” 

Local software developer Avi B. concurred, as he was dragged across the dog park by ‘Otis’, his enthusiastic Irish Wolfhound. “Any North Tel Avivian who wants a regular dog that isn’t tiny enough to be mistaken for a rodent or bigger than my bicycle……..I just don’t want to be friends with this kind of person.”  Avi’s friend Yoni S. then weighed in,  further illustrating the social stigma and ostracism that normal-sized dog owners face in the city. “I was here last week with my Saint Bernard and met a beautiful woman, just really pretty and really nice. I was about to ask her out, and then her beagle ran up to her…….I walked away….. I just walked away.”

The Daily Freier spoke to City Council Chairperson Galit P. who seemed to acknowledge the prejudice that normal-sized dog owners face..  “We want to help the owners of normal-sized dogs, so we are offering grants to defer the costs of moving out of the city.  We’re hoping that they can find a place to start over that is a better fit…….like Ra’anana.”