Cameron Kasky’s Top Ten Excuses for Visiting Israel

So Jerry Nadler is retiring from Congress and Hashem has a sense of humor. Because an even more annoying Jew-ish person is running for his vacant seat. Cameron Kasky’s brand is basically being a less-accomplished version of Mamdani, only kinda Jewish. And he HATES Israel. So imagine our surprise when journalist Eliana Goldin cold busted him at Ben Gurion Airport wearing a Covid mask and trying to be incognito! Then, in a fit of bravery, he accused Eliana of being a “narc“! Does he think that she’s his mean Freshman Dorm RA or something? But we here at the Daily Freier just KNOW that Cam had to have a good reason to run the BDS gauntlet and visit Altneuland. Because if he didn’t, that would make him kind of a hypocrite. So behold: Cameron Kasky’s Top Ten Excuses for Visiting Israel!

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1. My HMO assigned me to Doctor Shakshuka.             

2. Jewish Voice for Peace told me that Sukkot is this week.       

3. Muhammad El-Kurd said there’s a really chill hookah bar in Ramallah where he “keeps it on the DL”.

4. Wanted a free trip with Taglit but they banned me after “the hummus incident” in Williamsburg.

5. Zohran asked me to “take lots of pictures” of Army bases, bus terminals, and ports.

6. Really wanted to see the Bernie Sanders statue on Frishman Beach.

7. Ilhan wants to open a Daycare Center in Jenin and asked me to look at some Real Estate.

8. Needed some talking points for Tucker’s show next week.

9. Rashida dared me to tape $50,000 in non-sequential bills to my body and deliver it to her Uncle in Nablus.

10. Honestly, I thought I would get away with it.