Tag: Taglit

In ultra-real scenario, Japan’s IDF Cosplayer asks for free couch “as a Lone Soldier”

(photo credit: Instagram)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 6/6/2019 at 3:00 PM

Tel Aviv: In a scenario described by IDF veterans as “shockingly realistic” and “haunting“, the IDF Cosplayer from Japan just went onto Social Media to ask for free stuff. Siggchi is a Japanese college student who dresses up like a Lieutenant in the IDF’s Kfir Brigade and has become somewhat of a minor celebrity here in Israel. As for mooching free stuff, Lone Soldiers in the IDF have a reputation of being, umm…. frugal. In addition, Lone Soldiers are not shy about asking for stuff from the General Public. So it just made sense that Siggchi would take his cosplaying “to the next level” and start mooching free shit like a True Chayal Boded. The Daily Freier talked to several Lone Soldiers to get the rest of the story.

When Siggchi asked for a PlayStation on Secret Tel Aviv, I mean, it just felt like I was back in the Paratroopers….. it was that real.” explained former Lone Soldier Jered B. “Hey, are you going to finish that Shawarma or what?

This guy Siggchi is for real.” enthused Armored Corps veteran Doron S. “I mean, he takes all his meals for free in the Lone Soldier Center over by Nordau.” Doron lowered his voice to a whisper. “My friends say that once he finishes his pretend-IDF service, he’s taking a pretend-backpacking trip to India.”

Yet it’s not only Siggchi’s Lone Soldier-caliber freebie detection skills that has impressed the veteran community. “He speaks better Hebrew than most of the Anglo Olim in my old unit.” noted Linda D. “Hey, do you think he also lies his ass off about his job when he hits on Taglit girls?

When asked for a response to Sigcchi’s cosplay, an IDF spokesperson said, “I’m not doing this.” (Note: THIS REALLY HAPPENED).

UPDATE: As the Daily Freier went to print, we learned that Sigcchi intended to switch units and was now inhaling magic marker fumes “to feel more like a Golani“.

Advertisements

Hot Mobile: “We’ve screwed more Olim than the soldier on your Taglit bus!”

By Emily Goldstein & Mark Levy

Last Updated 12/22/2018 at 12:50 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff Center: Hot Mobile announced that as of yesterday afternoon, it has screwed more recent immigrants to Israel than that really cute soldier on your Birthright bus who could also play guitar. The Daily Freier attended an emotional Press Conference at one of Hot’s kiosks in Dizengoff Center.

This just means a lot to all of us.” announced Hot’s spokesperson Dorit H. “But now we have screwed more Olim than Danny, the soldier assigned to your Taglit group who wrote 5 poems to 6 girls, and showed 3 other girls the star constellations, ‘because the Negev sky is so clear at night’. We were going to announce it on our Website, but to be honest, we haven’t really updated it in a while, so why start now?”

Dorit wiped a tear from her eyes and continued.The competition has been strong. Pelephone and Cellcom? Their contracts are also slightly harder to understand than Gemara, but slightly easier to escape from than an Iranian jail. But in the end, it was our blend of gaslighting, bait and switch, and just hanging up on customers that won out.

The Daily Freier then asked Dorit if this amazing story had yet been picked up by any of the Big Names in Israeli Media “Of Course!” she replied. “Just last week the Jerusalem Post published a personal account of one Olah’s quest to try to get a refund for services she did not ask for but we charged her for anyway. You should read the whole thing! It’s like a mix of the boat trip in ‘Heart of Darkness’ and that Horror Movie ‘The Ring’. Except in this movie, nobody calls you back.”

When the Daily Freier challenged Dorit on some of the details of Hot’s Announcement, she told us to publicly Tweet our phone number to Hot’s Twitter account for a follow-up. Then she blocked us.

 

 

Top 10 Least Successful Tel Aviv Apps

(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 6/20/2018 at 5:10 PM

Tel Aviv: Startup Nation has given the world some amazing things: Waze, the cherry tomato, Gal Gadot, the thumb drive. But for every great Israeli idea, rest assured they have come up with some failures. And here they are: the 10 biggest flops of Israeli tech!

 

  1. Ara-Mazing: Translate your sexts into Aramaic!
  2. E-Z Steal: Choose the most convenient time & place to have your bike stolen!
  3. Gaydar Tel Aviv
  4. Misrad HaTindr: Match with someone who is also waiting in line at the Ministry of the Interior!
  5. John Kerry Meetup!: Connects you with other fans of the former Secretary of State in Israel
  6. AngloWhine: Deletes any texts from your Anglo friends when they’re complaining about something
  7. Pokémon Pee: An app that finds you a sidewalk in Tel Aviv where nobody has peed yet
  8. Tag-Lit: Lets Israeli men track the real-time location of every Birthright bus in the country
  9. Matkot Simulator: It’s as if there’s a matkot game being played one meter away from you!
  10. The Dizengoff Center Navigation App (Oops! This really exists!)

Top 10 Worst Taglit Ideas

So Taglit has come up with some A-Ma-Zing themes for its trips: Classic Birthright, Outdoor Adventure Birthright, LGBT Birthright, ride a camel, get black-out drunk in Machane Yehuda and hook up with the soldier on your bus Birthright, and Campus Birthright.  And it’s this type of “thinking outside the box” that has allowed Taglit to really “expand the brand.” But for every Taglit Great Idea, there are a whole bunch that turned out to be not so great. Here are some of Taglit’s greatest mistakes:

  1. OMG Everyone on my bus has peanut allergies too!
  2. In 2018 let Taglit take you to Israel with your college stalker!
  3. This Summer Taglit is going to take you to the Negev and then drive off!
  4. Explore Israel’s Binary Options industry with Taglit!
  5. Forget Masada and the Kotel, this year Taglit is taking you to Afula!
  6. This summer, be the only non-French speaker on your bus!
  7. Spend a day in the Knesset with Hanin Zoabi!
  8. Just for fun, we told Ben Gurion Passport Control that you work for BDS.
  9. This week your Taglit tour guide is Oren Hazan!
  10. Wait, are we in Syria? Taglit’s hiking tour of the Golan….without pesky maps!

Dear Daily Freier: “Bigly Taglit Woke” Edition

Dear Daily Freier!Welcome to yet another edition of the Dear Daily Freier advice column! An outlet that has already allowed YOU the reader to gain needed advice about such pressing subjects as the Israeli bus system, relationships, and pétanque! So without further ado, here are the answers you did not want to the questions you already regret asking!
————————————————————————————————————————-

Dear Daily Freier,

Hi, so I went on Birthright last month and it was A-MA-ZING. But here’s the thing. The soldier on our bus? Danny? From Hadera? Well when we were down at that big crater in the desert….Mizpe Ramon? Well Danny and I (“may have”) wandered off for the night together. I mean, he was so romantic! He even wrote me a poem! In English and Hebrew! But the thing is, later on the trip I’m pretty sure he also “wandered off” with that girl from LA who pretends to be spiritual but is actually just an idiot. Also the girl who went to Amherst. And maybe the girl from Texas with Israeli cousins. And just now I saw on Facebook that Jess from Seattle posted a poem of his. So anyway, I skyped Danny and confronted him about it, and all of a sudden it’s like he forgot how to speak English. He was just mixing up random words in Hebrew and English and I think Spanish. Anyway, what’s the deal? I mean, is he really a romantic or did he just want to hook up with all the girls on the trip?

Signed,
“Alyssa from Rockland”
——-
Yes & Yes.
————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Daily Freier,

OK, So I just graduated from NYU. And I’m Jewish. But not Jewish-Jewish. Honestly, I’m not too big on the Temple I grew up in anymore. Or Trump. Or Israel. Because my Intersectional Feminism Professor said that Israel is bad. Like really bad. Anyway, I’m looking for career advice and wondering if you can help me. Like, if you were a Jew who disliked Israel, most Israelis, and also about half of American Jews…. what career field would you go into?

Signed,
“Woke in Connecticut”
——–
Have you thought of becoming a Professor of Judaic Studies at any given University?
————————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Daily Freier,

So suppose you are an amazing leader. A great leader, Very great. The Best. And let’s say you just did something Very Big for a country in the Middle East. With a lot of Jews in it. Nobody loves the Jews like I do. I have the best Jewish grandchildren. Just the best. So again, let’s say you just did something very big for the Jews there. And the Jews in Israel? They Love it. “It’s the Best.” All of them told me that. And Bibi? Great guy. Great, great guy……..But then there’s the Jews in America….. Some of them say thank you. But, gotta admit, some of the others? Not so thankful. No gratitude. Sad. Very Sad. Anyway, I think I lost my train of thought. But do you know what I’m saying?
———–
Bigly.
————————————————————————————————————————-
Have a question for the Daily Freier? Send it to daily.freier@gmail.com
Do you want it answered promptly? Then you may want to hit up this site first. https://dailyfreier.com/donate-to-the-daily-freier/

Noah returns in new Ark to save us from the Heatwave

Noah's Ark Daily Freier(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 7/5/2017 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv: With the mercury in Tel Aviv matching the temperature on Mars, biblical hero Noah has returned to Eretz Yisrael to save locals from the unbearable heatwave.

Today, hoards of confused and melting Tel Avivians were oddly seen rushing INTO the Dizengoff Center Mall AND the Post Office just to get OUT of the heat. Once roads began to crumple and people were being thrown out of the chiller cabinets in Shufersal, the 4700-year-old pensioner decided to act.

Noah and his oldest remaining son, Shem (a mere 4200 years young) have fitted the Convertible Ark Turbo Cruise ship with 2 air conditioning units in each compartment, phone chargers, the Waze GPS Iceberg Locator, and driverless technology.

My hands are still tied by the Torah so I can still only take two of everything – so 2 Israelis (rumors say Gal Gadot has already bagged one spot), 2 stray cats, 2 non-complaining olim, 2 mosquitoes, 2 jellyfish, 2 European backpackers, and 2 girls on Taglit who just love love love Israel. No politicians or HOT Cable customer service representatives are allowed.”

Cabin prices start at NIS 5,000 for a  double. But long lines are expected all the way to Haifa as The Ark, called “Mazgan Miracle II“, is due to set sail tomorrow for Scotland, arriving at its first port in Cardiff before Shabbos.

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

By Aaron Pomerantz and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 11/15/2016 at 1:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff: Peter Beinart, the conscience of modern Progressive Judaism and all around Liberal Zionist Bad Boy, is not too thrilled with the choices that Israel has been making lately. And he’s not afraid to tell us. In fact, Pete is currently quite cross with us for ignoring his amazingly prescient advice about the Peace Process, to the extent that he now takes press junkets to Judea and Samaria with J-Street in order to pester goats.  His powerful voice has hit Israel like a bombshell, compelling everyday Israelis to stop what they’re doing and ask themselves “Just who does Peter Beinart think he is? No, Really. We’re kinda drawing a blank right now. Who is he again?

(The Daily Freier Appears on Israellycool Today! Stop by and Check it Out!)