The Daily Freier spent the last four years dunking on Biden and his team of Woke Dorks to the point where some folks questioned our impartiality. But deep in our hearts we knew that with the Return of the Donald, we would be in our Salad Days of new Mishigas every day, and Team Trump did not disappoint. That’s right, Team Trump shared classified War Plans for Yemen in a group chat and then accidentally added journalist Jeffrey Goldberg. Thank You, Mr. Trump! Here’s to Four More Years of waking up each morning with Superior Content to share with you, our loyal readership. So without further ado, behold: “Team Trump’s Top Ten Excuses for Classified Leak on Group Chat”!

1. “sleepyjoesux” is not in fact a secure password.

2. Wait, that guy on the chat wasn’t Goldberg the Wrestler?

3. Thought we’d be safe using Ivanka’s kosher phones.

4. The Qataris assured Steve Witkoff that you can safely send classified documents on these phones.

5. The hookers in Pete Hegseth’s hotel suite spilled tequila and glitter on the Secure Telephones.

6. Our IT guy got his degree from Trump University.

7. Tulsi wore that black crop top to work again and we lost our train of thought.

8. Elon Baby Mama Drama.

9. We just wanted to play “Houthi and the Blowfish” on Spotify.

10. Difficult to focus with all the loud davening at Trump Yeshiva.