1. Doctor Fauci told everyone to stay home.

2. Still heartbroken over the Kim and Kanye breakup.

3. I’m binge-watching Fauda.

4. Peter Beinart keeps sexting me.

5. Climate Change

6. Ahed Tamimi ate all the food at the polling stations.

7. Can I still blame this on Trump?

8. Didn’t want to detract from Pride Week next month.

9. The wild pigs that the Zionists release every night (wait, he really said this).

10. Just trying to help the Daily Freier write a decent joke for once.