Category: Shameless Self Promotion

Ladies and Gentlemen….. the Top Daily Freier article of 2019!

Well, the people voted and the competition was fierce. Chava Ewa’s article “Amazon shocked to discover Israeli drivers act like Israeli drivers” received critical support from the ‘Greater Jerusalem Frum Womens’ Underground Coalition’ Voting Bloc and almost pulled off an upset.

Yet in the end it was the saga of Hen Mazzig’s on-again-off-again online Frenemyship with Ariel Gold that won the day. Yes, “Hen Mazzig’s pet rabbit in Protective Custody after Ariel Gold’s latest tweet” won the Internets.

Congratulations. Please come to Dizengoff Center on Friday right before Shabbat to collect your prizes. But leave Shani at home. You know, just in case.

 

 

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Choose your favorite Daily Freier story of 2019!

Hi Freiers! Well, 2019 was quite the trip, wasn’t it? The Daily Freier continued sharing and caring with YOU, our loyal readers. We wrote some wacky shit, and here is your chance to choose your favorite story from our ten most popular stories of 2019. Now you can read, re-read, and commit to memory this year’s Top Ten articles hyperlinked below, then choose your favorite story from the poll at the bottom of this page! Here they are, in no particular order. Also, because so much of our readership is incredibly Extra, you have the option to write in your own candidate. Winner will be announced this Thursday.

Choose carefully, Freiers.


1. Messianics posing as Frum Jews busted after showing up on time for a Simcha

2. Iceland’s Eurovision Band loses “Bad El Al service” case after Court finds no history of good El Al service

3. Police foil attempt to smuggle British Flag into Labour Party Conference

4. Amazon shocked to discover Israeli delivery drivers act like Israeli drivers

5. Pelosi restricts Ilhan Omar to just one anti-Jewish tweet per week

6. Jerusalem cab driver writes book about Sarah Tuttle-Singer

7. In ultra-real scenario, Japan’s IDF Cosplayer asks for free couch “as a Lone Soldier”

8. Top Ten Excuses for Israel’s Moon Crash

9. Hen Mazzig’s pet rabbit in Protective Custody after Ariel Gold’s latest tweet

10. “Still Not Gay Enough”: Tel Aviv’s last-minute Eurovision preparation

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Freier Meet-Up & Elections Discussion: What could go Wrong?

Attention all of our Weird Followers:

WHO: You people

WHAT: Meet-Up at the Kerem House

WHEN: Wednesday 23 October, 8:30 PM

WHERE: Gedera 18, Tel Aviv

 


This is your chance to interact with one another. We’re going to make fun of our upcoming 3rd Election (you KNOW it’s going to happen) and have some drinks on a rooftop and you will all share your personal issues which the Daily Freier will spin into future stories. Your previous plans for Wednesday just seem silly now, don’t they?

Also, it’s going to be at Kerem House, and we lampooned them last week.

Top Ten Rejected Daily Freier Articles

Since 2014, the Daily Freier has scratched your collected itches for weird stuff. Sometimes we even write our stories based on tips from you, our alert readership! But what if a story is just “Too weird for the Daily Freier“? Well, it happens. Here are ten stories that we simply had to reject. Enjoy wondering what might have been.


1. The men who play pétanque on Rothschild Boulevard: without their clothes on!

2. Latest Nefesh B’Nefesh program helps you get banned from Secret Tel Aviv…. BEFORE you make Aliyah!

3.  Holmes Gym just opened membership to straight guys too!

4. Afula: Is it the new Neve Tzedek?

5. Bombshell: Two people who work in Israel Advocacy rumored to get along with one another.

6. Win a chance to be named Jerusalem’s Next Top Hot Chani!

7.  Maccabi Health offers free personal development classes to anyone in a Purim “couples costume”.

8. Strange But True: The weirdos who enjoy Tel Aviv AND Jerusalem!

9. Sarah Tuttle-Singer takes 3 bong hits and explains the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict.

10. “Have I Peed Here Yet?” An interactive street map for Tel Aviv men.

 

Choose your favorite Daily Freier story of 2018!

Hi Freiers! It’s time to discuss our favorite topic: Ourselves! So now you can read, re-read, and commit to memory our Top Ten stories of 2018 hyperlinked below, then choose your favorite story from the poll at the bottom of this page! So here they are, in no particular order. Winners will be announced next week. Choose Wisely, Freiers!

 

 

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1.  Obama wins 2nd Nobel Prize for creating the Israeli-Saudi alliance

2.  Mayhem as Hamas “March of Return” accidentally merges with Tel Aviv Pride Parade

3.  Julia Salazar: “My Hebrew name is רחל בת דולזל”

4.  Bulgaria busts Iranians with fake Israeli passports after they said “sorry”

5.  Sarah Tuttle-Singer narrates your Waze directions!

6.  Training for war, Hezbollah builds realistic model of Tel Aviv that’s unaffordable, full of pot smoke &        smells like pee

7.   The Forward exclusive: Hen Mazzig rumored to be Gay!

8.   Yeshiva Student’s delinquent phone bill almost crashes Israeli Economy

9.   Jeremy Corbyn reviews the new Eichmann Movie

10. Tel Aviv-Jerusalem Fast Train aims to remind the cities why they can’t stand each other in just 30              minutes

 

 

The Daily Freier asks Putin for his Tel Aviv apartment

To: Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation

4 Staraya Square

Moscow, Russia 103132

—————–

From: Office of the Daily Freier

Tel Aviv Central Bus Station, 4th Floor

Next to the Asian Grocery (Not that one, the other one)


Tovarisch!

Greetings from Tel Aviv! How are things in Moscow? Cold? We bet! While we still haven’t been to Moscow, we HAVE been to Ulpan Gordon, and it’s kind of similar! Anyhoo,we know you respect people who are direct and to the point (Hi Donald!) , so we will get right to be point:

Please Please Please give us the Tel Aviv apartment you just inherited.

We know that in the past you have given apartments to random Jews. And, Hey! We are Jews too! And, trust us, we are Random. Plus, our apartment is giving us allergies. It’s like the mold colony has its own personality or something. So we are really counting on you doing us a solid and letting us stay in your new apartment. But we also know you are a businessman, so we are willing to offer terms:

The Daily Freier will run at least one shirtless photo of you per month. With a gun. Or a crossbow. Maybe a photo of you on horseback. Or interacting with wildlife! The sky is the limit! Plus, we will satirize the hell out of Ukraine’s leadership. Just really give them the business. Know what we’re saying? Also, we are willing to pay the Arnona and Va’ad Bayit. Is the Va’ad Bayit OK? Does he actually fix anything? Let us know.

Thanks for keeping us in mind!

 

Yours in Freierhood,

 

 

The Daily Freier Staff

Choose your favorite Daily Freier story of 2017!

Folks, 2017 was a good year for the Daily Freier. Like, mamash good. So many stories. So very many stories. But which one is your favorite? Questions, Questions. So here is your chance to impose your own opinions on everybody else! Read, re-read, and commit to memory our Top Ten stories of 2017 hyperlinked below, then choose your favorite in the poll that follows. So here they are, in no particular order. Winners will be appear next week as a #TBT. Choose Wisely, Freiers!

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1) Aspiring Reform Rabbi dropped from HUC after he fails guitar class

2) Build your own Sarah Tuttle-Singer article!

3) Air Force One accidentally enters Israeli Independence Day Flyover

5) Hey Dad? Next Yom Kippur can I fast “Marwan Barghouti style”? (Israellycool)

6) Tel Aviv women compare the city’s bus lines to their ex-boyfriends

7) Dystopian Novel depicts a nightmare future Israel run by Anglo Olim

8) ‘I’m Okay!’…Roger Waters reassures fans after Gaza Tunnel collapse (Times of Israel)

9) The Daily Freier Movie: American Oleh trapped in Ulpan Gordon for 7 Years

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