Questions, Questions. Coming soon to a theater near you!
Memorandum For: The Honorable Rachel Freier, 5th District Civil Court, New York
From: The Daily Freier (Landsman!)
Subject: Cease and Desist Order r/e use of name “Freier”
1) Greetings from the Daily Freier, providing fact-based news from Tel Aviv! And not to get all Kanye, but we are the best English language fake news source in the Levant. But we know you are a busy woman so we will cut right to the chase. We need you to change your name.
2) We understand that you graduated from law school while raising six children (now a grandmother! Mazel Tov!), volunteered as a paramedic, and are now the first Hasidic woman to be sworn into elected public office in the United States. And that’s great. But we run a Blog.
3) We have built a certain brand identity. Like at the Shuk, everyone says “Here comes the biggest Freier”. And we get a special price. Because we’re Freiers. Also, you’re really messing up our Search Engine Optimization. People go online looking for our stories about disillusioned jellyfish leaving Israel for economic reasons, Tel Aviv’s new beach for Dati dogs, or a story about an American Oleh whose Hebrew is so bad that he remains trapped in Ulpan Gordon for 7 years. Instead, they read about a professionally successful woman in the Jewish Community. And frankly, this is unacceptable. And our shysters Legal Department does not like this. At all.
4) We seek an amicable outcome where you change your name so it doesn’t sound like us. And as a token of our sincerity, we will send a t-shirt and coffee mug. Because Am Yisrael Chai.
Very Truly Yours,
The Daily Freier
Attachments: Letter, Same Subject
Hey Freiers! That was quite a year we just had! And now you can look back at all the sights and smells through the pages of the Daily Freier! And then drink something and try to forget it happened! Anyhoo, why don’t you vote for your favorite story of 2016. Winning story gets republished!
So our friends at Elder of Ziyon have nominated us for Best Satire/Humor site for 2016. So please check out all of the categories. And if you want to second our nomination at the site, that’s cool also.
The Daily Freier is now featured at the Jerusalem Post!
This just hurts. Didn’t Mariah do a song about this?
By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 4/7/2016 at 2:50 PM
Tel Aviv: With the city still reeling from yesterday’s bombshell article exposing the relationship between the FOREX Industry and hookups, concerned citizens are now meeting up in public to demand answers from their elected leaders on today’s burning question: Is the Daily Freier for Real or What???? By this afternoon, hundreds of city residents had gathered in Kikar Rabin to demonstrate their concern and ensure their voices were heard. The Daily Freier wandered over to help investigate itself.
“I don’t know what to think anymore.” stated an obviously distraught Adi H. “I get all of my news from the Daily Freier. That’s how I learned that a talking Israeli bird caught spying in Lebanon joined ‘Breaking the Silence’. Yet none of the so-called ‘real news sources’ would touch the story.”
“The Daily Freier sucks.” complained Avi T. “They tell nothing but lies. They said that Secret Tel Aviv was getting so out of control that it had become a self-aware entity. So I cited them for my Term Paper on Artificial Intelligence at Hebrew University, and my professor failed me. I [freaking] hate those liars.”
Yet some loyal readers continued to defend the Daily Freier. “It’s a must-read for me.” explained alert local Ronit S. “I mean, weather, horoscope, fashion, everything. Just last week I was really concerned because an Olah Hadashah was feared missing. I mean, get this…. she was here for 3 days and STILL HAD NOT STARTED A BLOG! I know! How crazy is that? So I was really excited when I found out that she was OK and hanging out at Mike’s Place!”
As the story went to print, a prominent national politician volunteered to go undercover in Tel Aviv dressed as a native in order to the bottom of this mystery.