Category: Shameless Self Promotion

The People have Spoken: The Top Daily Freier article of 2020!

So the Covid Fever Dreams of our writing staff created some true literary gems in 2020. Roxy Cruz designed a collection of Barbie Dolls that were very…. Tel Aviv. In addition, we predicted that an influx of Israeli tourists into the United Arab Emirates might have unintended consequences 3 months before Bibi issued a statement asking us to behave ourselves over there. Yet in the end, it was Sarita Azul’s moving story about a pig from Haifa’s unwillingness to grant her a Jewish divorce that won the election.

Congrats Sarita, and best of luck with the Rabbanut.

Choose your favorite Daily Freier story of 2020!

Hi Freiers! So umm, 2020 was sort of Interesting. Now is your chance to relive the weirdness as the Daily Freier went toe to toe with Corona, Dizengoff Center, Secret Tel Aviv almost going away, and Bingo Cards. Because while we wrote a bunch of stories, only one story can be the People’s Choice for 2020. So read these stories again, commit them to memory, and vote for your favorite. Also, since some of you are so incredibly Extra, you have the option to write in your own favorite candidate. Unlike other votes in Israel, we’re only doing this once. Winner will be announced on Monday.

Choose carefully, Freiers.


1) My Ex from Haifa is a Pig and won’t give me a Get. No you don’t understand. He is. A Pig.

2) Introducing: The Israeli Barbie Collection!

3) UAE cancels Peace Treaty after arrival of Israeli Tourists

4) Tomorrow at 4:20 PM, the whole Country will stand on our balconies to salute our heroic Weed Dealers

5) “No I can’t describe her appearance… she’s a woman!” Jerusalem bank robber escapes again

6) Israel sends Emergency Team of Election Experts to Iowa

7) Let’s play Hen Mazzig -vs- Ariel Gold debate Bingo!

8) The Daily Freier is now sitting Shiva for Secret Tel Aviv

9) “It’s a Hate Crime against Anglo Olim!” Tel Aviv woman reacts calmly to cost of spices

10) “The Oleh who learned Hebrew during Quarantine” and other Fairy Tales


Trapped in Quarantine, Daily Freier forced to satirize itself

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 3/24/2020 at 5:44 PM

Tel Aviv: As the Corona Virus drives life as we know it to a halt, one of the sectors hardest hit has been Anglo-infused Israeli satire. The Daily Freier, long a leader in this field, has found itself devoid of inspiration as its authors wander the confines of their homes muttering to themselves and suffering collective Writers Block. Forced to cannibalize themselves satirically, the Writers Collective known as The Daily Freier slowly descends into madness. And The Daily Freier was on the scene to cover it!

How can I make Dizengoff Center jokes if I can’t leave my home…. I have literally nothing to say.” complained Aaron Pomerantz. “Wait, does that make me shallow?” Aaron poured some whiskey into his Coffee Hafuch and appeared to have an epiphany. “Hey, maybe I can make fun of my Vaad Bayit and the way he puts out the trash cans!

Meanwhile, the Daily Freier’s correspondent in Judea and Samaria, Chava Ewa, was struggling to fit in writing while trying to home-school her 7 children and her husband. “The kids only stop fighting when they are hungry, which is actually fine because they eat about 14 times a day. Also the makolet cashier thinks that I’m hoarding food because I come every day and buy 4 bags of milk and two boxes of cornflakes, but…ummm…. 7 kids?” Chava turned on the TV news and suddenly found inspiration. “Hmmm, the Corona unit in the hospital…. is it quiet? They cook for you? …No kids? That doesn’t sound half bad.

The Daily Freier then checked in with our correspondent Lee Saunders, but he was home in Manchester nattering on about the weather and driving his mom insane and we weren’t able to get any actual statement from him.

Yet there was some good news. Our Dating & Relationships correspondents Mia Deych and Emily Goldstein reported in that they are hard at work writing up a story on Secret Tel Aviv’s dramatic turn toward becoming a Corona Virus Dating Site (Editor’s Note: We are really really doing this. Stay tuned).

 

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen….. the Top Daily Freier article of 2019!

Well, the people voted and the competition was fierce. Chava Ewa’s article “Amazon shocked to discover Israeli drivers act like Israeli drivers” received critical support from the ‘Greater Jerusalem Frum Womens’ Underground Coalition’ Voting Bloc and almost pulled off an upset.

Yet in the end it was the saga of Hen Mazzig’s on-again-off-again online Frenemyship with Ariel Gold that won the day. Yes, “Hen Mazzig’s pet rabbit in Protective Custody after Ariel Gold’s latest tweet” won the Internets.

Congratulations. Please come to Dizengoff Center on Friday right before Shabbat to collect your prizes. But leave Shani at home. You know, just in case.

 

 

Choose your favorite Daily Freier story of 2019!

Hi Freiers! Well, 2019 was quite the trip, wasn’t it? The Daily Freier continued sharing and caring with YOU, our loyal readers. We wrote some wacky shit, and here is your chance to choose your favorite story from our ten most popular stories of 2019. Now you can read, re-read, and commit to memory this year’s Top Ten articles hyperlinked below, then choose your favorite story from the poll at the bottom of this page! Here they are, in no particular order. Also, because so much of our readership is incredibly Extra, you have the option to write in your own candidate. Winner will be announced this Thursday.

Choose carefully, Freiers.


1. Messianics posing as Frum Jews busted after showing up on time for a Simcha

2. Iceland’s Eurovision Band loses “Bad El Al service” case after Court finds no history of good El Al service

3. Police foil attempt to smuggle British Flag into Labour Party Conference

4. Amazon shocked to discover Israeli delivery drivers act like Israeli drivers

5. Pelosi restricts Ilhan Omar to just one anti-Jewish tweet per week

6. Jerusalem cab driver writes book about Sarah Tuttle-Singer

7. In ultra-real scenario, Japan’s IDF Cosplayer asks for free couch “as a Lone Soldier”

8. Top Ten Excuses for Israel’s Moon Crash

9. Hen Mazzig’s pet rabbit in Protective Custody after Ariel Gold’s latest tweet

10. “Still Not Gay Enough”: Tel Aviv’s last-minute Eurovision preparation

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Freier Meet-Up & Elections Discussion: What could go Wrong?

Attention all of our Weird Followers:

WHO: You people

WHAT: Meet-Up at the Kerem House

WHEN: Wednesday 23 October, 8:30 PM

WHERE: Gedera 18, Tel Aviv

 


This is your chance to interact with one another. We’re going to make fun of our upcoming 3rd Election (you KNOW it’s going to happen) and have some drinks on a rooftop and you will all share your personal issues which the Daily Freier will spin into future stories. Your previous plans for Wednesday just seem silly now, don’t they?

Also, it’s going to be at Kerem House, and we lampooned them last week.

Top Ten Rejected Daily Freier Articles

Since 2014, the Daily Freier has scratched your collected itches for weird stuff. Sometimes we even write our stories based on tips from you, our alert readership! But what if a story is just “Too weird for the Daily Freier“? Well, it happens. Here are ten stories that we simply had to reject. Enjoy wondering what might have been.


1. The men who play pétanque on Rothschild Boulevard: without their clothes on!

2. Latest Nefesh B’Nefesh program helps you get banned from Secret Tel Aviv…. BEFORE you make Aliyah!

3.  Holmes Gym just opened membership to straight guys too!

4. Afula: Is it the new Neve Tzedek?

5. Bombshell: Two people who work in Israel Advocacy rumored to get along with one another.

6. Win a chance to be named Jerusalem’s Next Top Hot Chani!

7.  Maccabi Health offers free personal development classes to anyone in a Purim “couples costume”.

8. Strange But True: The weirdos who enjoy Tel Aviv AND Jerusalem!

9. Sarah Tuttle-Singer takes 3 bong hits and explains the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict.

10. “Have I Peed Here Yet?” An interactive street map for Tel Aviv men.