By the Daily Freier Staff
Last Updated 6 JUN 44 at 0900 Hours
London: Citing published reports of inappropriate activity among personnel, General Dwight Eisenhower delayed Operation OVERLORD indefinitely. OVERLORD, the planned invasion of Nazi-Occupied Europe, was a closely guarded secret until this morning’s Press Conference. At the Press Conference, General Eisenhower outlined the infractions.
“The reported incidents within the 101st Airborne of soldiers applying Native American traditional male facial adornment, along with the cutting of hair in traditional Native American style is simply unacceptable in today’s Army. Not only that, but by combining quote unquote warpaint used by Plains Indians in the 19th Century with hairstyles prevalent among 18th Century Iroquois of what is now Central New York, the soldiers displayed a profound ignorance of cultural norms. I mean, it’s almost as if they weren’t even paying attention during last week’s Cultural Anthropology/Human Terrain Briefing. Who is their Unit FAO anyway?”
News of the delay spread quickly among the ranks. Technical Sergeant Donald Barclay of the Army Air Corps shared his views with the Daily Freier. “The worst part is that everyone knows this will lead to a mandatory Awareness Briefing, which they always seem to schedule for Friday nights. This is seriously cutting into my drinking time. Oh, and don’t let them see the Rita Hayworth mural on our B-24.”
When asked when the Allies planned to re-schedule the liberation of Europe from Fascism, General Eisenhower stated that perhaps some time in Autumn, but “Definitely not until all units have successfully verified compliance with the scheduled retraining and submitted the results through the Chain of Command. Priorities, people!”