Tel Aviv, Atarim Square: Experts fear that yesterday’s winter rains have decimated Tel Aviv’s famed dry pee smell, setting back the city’s strategic reserves by up to 6 months.
“We’ve lost everything.” complained the guy at the kiosk in Atarim Square that sells hot dogs. “First it was Corona, and now this. We might not recover before the summer.“
“Months of hard work are gone forever. Lost in just a few hours.” lamented Yoni, a Wolt bicycle delivery guy who had stopped in one of Atarim Square’s passageways “for a break”. Yoni surveyed the newly clean-ish floors and started to cry. “This was all we had.”
News of Tel Aviv’s crisis quickly reached the highest reaches of Government, with President Rivlin urging a unified response to the crisis. “The parties need to come together quickly with a plan. Up to 20% of Israeli men have never peed in Atarim Square.* We are failing as a nation.”
UPDATE: Some good news emerged Friday morning as the NGO “Birthright Israel” promised to have future buses stop at Atarim Square, Allenby Street, and the Central Bus Station. (Editor’s Note: this is in fact NOT the most ridiculous Taglit/MASA idea that we have ever come across.)
Hi Freiers! So umm, 2020 was sort of Interesting. Now is your chance to relive the weirdness as the Daily Freier went toe to toe with Corona, Dizengoff Center, Secret Tel Aviv almost going away, and Bingo Cards. Because while we wrote a bunch of stories, only one story can be the People’s Choice for 2020. So read these stories again, commit them to memory, and vote for your favorite. Also, since some of you are so incredibly Extra, you have the option to write in your own favorite candidate. Unlike other votes in Israel, we’re only doing this once. Winner will be announced on Monday.
So now Israel has lots of Vaccines against the Corona Virus! Gadol! Start-Up Nation at its Best! You know, it’s this history of Israeli Innovation that led me to leave my family and friends behind and defend the Land of Israel! Because, by the way, I’m a Lone Soldier. Not a lot of people know that I’m a Lone Soldier, so sometimes I need to remind them. Like right now. Or when I’m on the bus. Or at the Makolet. Honestly there’s not a “Wrong” time to let people know you’re a Hayyal Boded. Am Yisrael Chai!
So back to the vaccine. Is it free for Lone Soldiers? Because, and not to put too fine a point on it, we HATE to spend money. Like ever. On Anything. For example, I plan on stretching out my streak of not buying groceries into my Miluim time as a Reservist. Couple cans of tuna and chickpeas will no doubt end up in my backpack at the end of every weekend. And by “a couple” I mean “around twenty“.
Maybe I can ask about getting the vaccine for free on Secret Tel Aviv, because I also just moved into a new apartment and need a futon. And a toaster oven. Some pots & pans. Maybe a PlayStation.
Wait wut? The vaccine is free for Everyone? You know that’s kinda bullshit, right?