Category: Bikes

Tel Aviv Startup designs Bike that’s too shitty to steal

Tel Aviv Startup designs Bike that's too shitty to steal Daily FreierBy Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 8/26/2017 at 6:10 PM

Tel Aviv, Ibn Gavriol: Startup Nation does it again! A new company has done the impossible: designing, testing, and marketing a bicycle designed especially for the Tel Aviv market. Specifically, they built a bike that’s “too shitty to steal”.  You see, here in Tel Aviv you can keep your bike outside for as long as 20 minutes and still have a good chance of seeing it again when you come back.  Not surprisingly, the new bike, named the Bal-a-Gan, is flying off the shelves.  The Daily Freier stopped by to talk to the development team and some of their happy customers to find out more about the buzz.

When we arrived, none other than the Daily Freier’s very own Mark Levy greeted us. “This is my seventh start-up so far in Israel, so I’m kind of hoping this one works out. But some of my previous start-ups really paved the way for the Bal-a-Gan, especially the App that allowed you to plan the time and location when your bike gets stolen. Mark then went on to explain the unique marketing factors that made the Bal-a-Gan possible. “I guess the biggest factor that created a niche for us is that the police seem to devote just as much resources to combating bike theft as they do for investigating the Binary Options Industry. So we really lucked out.

The Daily Freier then had the chance to speak to a new owner of a Bal-a-Gan. “OMG this bike SUCKS! This is just the best!” exclaimed happy owner Sarah D. Confident that she now owned a bike too crappy to steal, Sarah rode it to the Central Bus Station, left it unattended, and went inside. A man quickly approached the bicycle with bolt cutters, looked at it for a moment, and turned away.”This bike is an insult to my craft.” he noted disgustedly. Then he went back and removed the seat “just on principle.”

 

Advertisements

Tel Aviv’s Trash Cans Hold Protest Against New Bike Lane Laws

Trash in bike Lane

(Photo Credit: Nir Hauser)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 4/21/2016 at 2:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Kikar Rabin: The city’s various forms of garbage gathered this afternoon in Rabin Square to protest their potential displacement from the sidewalk under the city’s new mandatory bike lane laws.  The Daily Freier walked over to find out what all fuss was about.

I’ve been on this sidewalk for over 7 years, and nobody has ever said anything.” announced a large green garbage can named Elad. “But now, because bikes can’t stay out-of-the-way of pedestrians, suddenly we’re the ones who will suffer.  The new bike lane is WAY WAY up in my personal space.

This just isn’t fair.” complained Galit, an orange container dedicated to recyclables. “It’s hard enough teaching Israelis what should and shouldn’t be placed in the recyclables.  But now they’re threatening to kick me out of my favorite spot in front of the AM/PM next to the plastic bottle bin on the corner.  All my friends are there!

It wasn’t just the standard garbage receptacles complaining either. “I’m performing a public service.” declared Snir, a 5 Square metre pile of miscellaneous trash that included coat hangars, baby clothes, potting soil, old womens’ shoes, a Pentium 486 computer, and a Van Morrison CD. “All week long people rummage through me and take things home with them.  A Lone Soldier basically furnished his room just from stuff I had lying around.”

At one point the garbage cans engaged in civil disobedience by purposely blocking the bike lanes and forcing bicyclists to ride in the pedestrian area of the sidewalk, but it looked too much like “every other day in Tel Aviv” and nobody noticed.

 

 

Half of Tel Aviv Under Arrest After Witness Describes Bike Theft Suspect as “Guy with Sort of a Hipster Beard”

(Photo Credit: The Artist Formerly Known as Snir)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 1/12/2016 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv, The Old North: Approximately 46% of the city is in police custody today after a man spotted stealing a bicycle on Allenby was described by eyewitnesses as “brown or black hair, with sort of a hipster beard. Possibly a man bun, but maybe not”.  The Daily Freier went down to Police Headquarters to check out the balagan first-hand.

With thousands of men milling around in giant makeshift holding pens, Jabotinsky between Dizengoff and Ben Yehuda Streets was completely cut off to traffic.  The police shouted orders to the assembled men by bullhorn, but to little effect. It appeared that the prisoners had themselves issued a list of demands, to include: better Wi-Fi, some coffee hafuch, rolling papers, more outlets to charge their I-Phones, and Krembo.

Despite the chaos, the Daily Freier was able to speak to those citizens who had assisted the authorities in their investigation. Alert local Ronit S. witnessed the theft and immediately went to the police to provide a statement.  “So I went to Headquarters and sat down with a sketch artist and described the guy who stole the bike. But when he was done drawing, the picture looked kinda like my last three ex-boyfriends. Oh yeah, I also told the cops that I overheard the suspect talk about his trip to Southeast Asia and that he was thinking of joining a start-up. Wait. Why are you laughing at me? I thought I was being helpful!

As the city adjusts to the mass incarceration, the effects are already being felt. At least 22 coffee shops failed to open today due to a lack of employees.  In addition, Birthright Israel reported much more efficient movement of their tours throughout the city, unimpeded by guys approaching the women in their groups because they “just want to talk to you for a second”. The Facebook page “Secret Tel Aviv” crashed after 12,000 people asked, “for a friend”, how to bail yourself out of jail, create a makeshift pipe out of an apple and tinfoil, and/or which pizza places will deliver to jail. Over 5000 “arrested selfies” were also uploaded to the site before the server went down.

While incarcerated, four of the detainees have already collaborated on an app that allows you to crowd-source prison break attempts with other people currently detained in the same jail as you.

 

City That’s Still Trying to Figure Out Where You Should Ride Your Bicycle is Positive It’s Going to Just Nail This Urban Light Rail Thing

3433531625

(Photo Credit: Tomer Appelbaum)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 8/17/2015 at 1:20 PM

Tel Aviv, Kikar Rabin: Tel Aviv, a city still wrapping its collective head around where you’re supposed to and not supposed to ride your bicycle, is absolutely positive that it can successfully  plan, build, and operate a complex light rail system linking a dense urban core with outlying regions, while adhering to a strict timetable and budget.  The Daily Freier met up outside of City Hall with Dalia G. from the Urban Planning Department to discuss the project.

“Urban light rail is the logical next step for a modern metropolis like Tel Aviv” noted Dalia, as she deftly stepped aside of an electric bicyclist moving down the sidewalk at 20 Kph.  Dalia continued, “I mean, we are the Start-Up nation. Light rail is a logistical challenge well within our capabilities.”  as she expertly pulled the Daily Freier  reporter out-of-the-way of a driver parking his car halfway onto the sidewalk.  When the Daily Freier asked Dalia if perhaps the city might better spend its resources constructing a Central Bus Station that didn’t look like it was designed by a bargain-hunting Klingon pimp , she grew somewhat impatient. “Listen. We are fully capable of integrating light rail into our existing bus and train infrastructure.  I don’t understand your pessimism.  I mean, really. You act like we’re going to release thousands of rats on the city or something.”

New App Allows Tel Aviv Residents to Choose the Most Convenient Time and Place to Have Their Bike Stolen

 

New App Allows Tel Aviv Residents to Choose the Most Convenient Time and Place to Have Their Bike Stolen Daily Freier

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 7/8/2015 at 10:10 AM

Tel Aviv:  The entire city is abuzz about a hot new smart phone app called “E-Z-Steal”.  This app allows Tel Aviv residents to choose the best time and place to have their bike stolen, and even allows residents to choose which South Tel Aviv chop shop to buy their bike back from.  The Daily Freier was on the scene to capture the excitement on the streets.

“Amazing!” noted Jacob S., a Forex trader from Neve Tzedek.  “I wanted to go the beach, so I locked my bike up this morning, spent the day hanging out with  my friends, and by the time I was done, my bike was already stolen and waiting for me at the shop two blocks from the bus station!  The app even interacts with Moovit so I knew the best bus route to use to go buy my bike back!”

E-Z Steal is just the best! ” enthused Sarah N.  “I got a message yesterday on the app asking if my bike could be stolen today between 9 AM and 11 AM, and I was just, like, No way.  I need to get to work in Ramat Aviv.  But I teach bikram on Thursdays in Florentin, so I just typed in ‘Thursday afternoon, Florentin’.  Now after the class I can have a nice cool down by walking down to Har Tsiyon Street! That shop is the best, and I even have their punch card.  One more theft and my next buyback’s free!”

Because of E-Z Steal‘s popularity, Tel Aviv municipality is looking at developing new apps for the public including one that arranges the best time of day to get knocked off the sidewalk by some jerk on an electric bike called “E-Z Hit“, and also an one that allows customers to choose which hidden charges and unwanted extras to add to their cable/internet bill, coincidentally also named  “E-Z Steal”.

Save

Police in Same Country that Captured Eichmann Have No Idea What Happened to Your Bike.

images-7

Tel Aviv (Last Updated March 25 at 2:30PM): The cops at the police station on Dizengoff Street, ostensibly employed by the same government that meticulously discovered, tracked, and captured prominent Nazi Adolph Eichmann, have absolutely no idea what happened to your yellow Diamondback mountain bike that you left locked to the railing behind your apartment last night.

“You mean to tell me that bicycles are stolen from North and Central Tel Aviv and then sold in South Tel Aviv?” asked a policeman incredulously, just about a mile from the Headquarters where the IDF planned the 1981 destruction of Saddam Hussein’s nuclear reactor at Osirak.

Another policeman (you think his name is Moti. Or maybe Dudi.), also employed by the government that executed the daring 1976 Raid on Entebbe, interjected “And you’re saying that the bikes are just sold out in the open?  On the street?”

The shift chief (wait, this guy is “Dudi”. You think.), in a police station 20 minutes away from where the Mossad tracked in real-time the assassination of Hezbollah mastermind Imad Mugniyeh (STRICTLY A FANCIFUL JEST!!!The Legal Department), asks “And these bikes are stolen, sold, stolen again, and then re-sold???”

The first cop, again a civil servant in the same government that in 2002 successfully interdicted the Iranian weapons ship “Karine A”, notes dryly “You seem to know a lot about these bikes.  Why don’t you just go there and get your bike back?”