Yesterday, we released an ad without properly vetting, for a free all expenses-paid Shabbaton next Wednesday at IfNotNow’s Editor’s Dad’s Summer House outside of New Paltz. This ad is not in line with our values as an organization dedicated to stories about Dizengoff Center, Taglit jokes, the shortcomings of Jerusalem nightlife, and some occasional dunking on the Woke Dorks of Anti-Zionism. We are returning the money that we received for this ad, and will immediately begin a critical evaluation of our ad process and policies. Specifically, we will try to figure out how we missed them talking about JVP’s Acapella group performing “Khaybar Khaybar Ya Yahood” in Three Part Harmony. Also the part about Mairav Zonsein teaching everyone how to dance the Dabka until Ali Abunimah inevitably busts in and yells at her for appropriation. Same with the BDS puppet show based on Simone Zimmerman’s dream journal. Not to mention Ariel Gold’s amazing “Poetry Slam for Palestine” featuring some not so subtle references to her love-hate relationship with a certain Gay Israeli Mizrahi Indigenous Rights Activist.
Brooklyn: Experts are baffled by a young secular Yiddish enthusiast who doesn’t appear to be suffering from “Daddy Issues” or a serious dislike for a certain country in the Levant that’s full of Jews.
“I guess I just like speaking the language. Is that weird or something?” explained Grad Student David S. “There is some amazing theater from the early 20th Century that doesn’t quite translate into English…. also now I can understand when my grandparents are making fun of me.“
News of David’s non-ideological stand for Yiddish is definitely making some waves. “So that’s it huh?” complained Talia L., a spokesperson for the Brooklyn Socialist Workers Democratic Bund. “He needs to educate himself. Yiddish is a tool of de-colonization. As a Jew, I am indigenous to the Pale of Settlement…. but some Jews are also indigenous to Spain.“
The Daily Freier wandered around Williamsburg until we ran into a Blogger/Independent Journalist named Michael, who expressed skepticism about David’s story. “No estranged relationship with his parents or the synagogue he grew up in? No angry letters to the Editor of the Forward? Never publicly stormed off a Birthright trip? This really doesn’t add up.”
In an effort to avoid further controversy, David said that henceforth he would pretend to be Ba’al Tshuva and/or nuts.
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.