Tel Aviv: With the news that Joe Biden is on track to win the Presidency, things might get a bit rough for our Prime Minister, as The Bibi and The Donald had developed quite a rapport over the years. Plus, Biden served as President Obama’s VP and Netanyahu’s relationship with Obama were kinda hit or miss. So Prime Minister Netanyahu knew he had to act fast. This morning, Bibi sent a nice note to the Democratic National Committee outlining a new initiative.
“I just built a statue of Bernie Sanders on Tel Aviv Beach!” it announced. “I know how much you love that guy! Let’s open a new chapter of cooperation between our two great nations!“
The Prime Minister defended his actions at a hastily held Press Conference at the Knesset, taking questions from the assembled reporters. When the Daily Freier confronted him, noting that the statue in fact depicted famed Israeli Prime Minister David Ben Gurion, Bibi replied: “I said it was a statue of a cranky Ashkenazi Socialist born a long time ago. Tell me where I lied.”
Following the press conference, Yair Netanyahu announced that in the spirit of goodwill, he “would like to show Hunter Biden the town” when Mr. Biden’s son visits Tel Aviv.
Washington: The Dow Jones Industrial Average continued its free-fall today after President Donald Trump tweeted a series of increasingly personal attacks against the Corona Virus. The trouble began yesterday afternoon when Mr. Trump rehashed his complicated history with the virus dating back to his time on the hit TV show “The Apprentice” before becoming President.
Mr. Trump sent a tweet from his infamous “Trump Yeshiva” account describing the President’s long-time feud with the microscopic entity currently wreaking havoc to the world. “Corona BEGGED me to be on The Apprentice, but I said No. Why? NO CLASS!” The President followed up with a second tweet minutes later. “People are telling me that Corona gained a LOT of weight. A Real Fatso. Gross!”
Yet it was President Trump’s final tweet against Corona that caused the S&P 500 Index to lose 10% of its value in a mere 15 minutes of volatile trading. “Corona is a tough guy because he was quarantined. I like organisms that weren’t quarantined.“
Markets rebounded slightly in the late afternoon upon news that President Trump was about to re-open his feud with Rosie O’Donnell.