Category: Ethan and Shoshanna

BDS, Beach, Ethan and Shoshanna

Taking a stand against BDS, Jellyfish return to Israel

Refusing to Give in to BDS Jellyfish Return to Israel Daily Freier

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 6/22/2016 at 1:20 PM

Netanya: In a move described as “bold”, “courageous”, and “defiant”, the  jellyfish have returned to Israel despite intense pressure from the Boycott, Divest, and Sanctions (BDS) Movement. Everybody’s favorite jellyfish, Ethan and Shoshanna, spoke to the Daily Freier about their personal journey.

“When the summer currents began pushing us northward from the Coast of Egypt, we just got bombarded with tweets from BDS.” explained Ethan. “Roger Waters wrote us an open letter. Max Blumenthal told us that his dad would NOT be happy if we went to Israel. Omar Barghouti told us that we would be collaborators if we arrived, but we checked his IP address and he was tweeting from the Tel Aviv University Library….”

The Daily Freier asked Ethan if he identified as a Zionist, and he explained his stance. “Of course, but I also identify as a citizen of the world.  Jew, Muslim, Christian….in the end it really doesn’t matter. I will sting the living shit out of you regardless.”

At this point Shoshanna interjected with her views. “I’m just so happy to be back. I missed this place SO. MUCH. But to tell you the truth, I expected a bit of a warmer welcome from everyone. But that might just be Israel. Sometimes it takes a while to break into social groups.” Shoshanna spotted a family in shallow water 5 meters away. “They seem nice, maybe I will float toward them and introduce myself. Sometimes you just have to extend a tentacle of friendship.”

 

Aliyah, Beach, Ethan and Shoshanna

Citing Soaring Rents, Poor Job Prospects and “Lack of Community”, Jellyfish Depart Tel Aviv

cropped-tel_aviv_jellyfishBy Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 7/20/2015 at 10:20 AM

Tel Aviv, Gordon Beach: After arriving with high hopes of success just 6 weeks ago, Tel Aviv’s Jellyfish population has packed its bags and begun migrating northward toward better opportunities  along the Levantine Coast.

“I tried, I really tried.” shared a disappointed medusa Ethan S. “I did Ulpan, but outside of class me and my friends only speak jellyfish and I never really made friends with locals. Also, I’m not sure if this was an issue, but whenever I hung out with Israelis, I would just sting the shit out of them.”

“I just couldn’t afford it.” noted a translucent purple Shoshanna P. “I was living with three roommates in Florentin.  I couldn’t find any work besides Forex.  I mean, I attack unsuspecting beachgoers with my poisonous tentacles, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do Forex or Binary.”

Ethan was quick to add that he would be back “Sometime next year, after I get my finances together“.  But when asked if he might try to stay a little longer, Ethan was insistent that it was time to go. “I’m done……I’m just done…..Plus I want to be gone before all the French arrive in August.”

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