How to Tan like the French!

How to Tan like the French! Daily Freier

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mia Deych, with Mark Levy

Last Updated 7/21/2016 at 1:20 PM

Tel Aviv, Bograshov: If you’ve ever heard of the French diet also known as the ‘French paradox’ (the observation of low coronary heart disease (CHD) death rates despite high intake of dietary cholesterol and saturated fat – This phrase was copy/pasted. Thank you, Google), you are probably aware of how many contradictions and how much mystery there is about the French.

 Typical Tzarfatim are easily spotted in Tel Aviv, neither because they are cooing in French, nor because men’s hair is perfectly messy and women’s outfits are out-of-this-world trendy, but rather because they are unbelievably TAN.  By that we mean not just a “I’ve been to the beach a lot” tan, but a very specific shade of brown with a hint of clove and a whiff of cherries and black currants. We would even call this colour ‘Burgundy‘, but we are not French, so we don’t dare.

 So how does one achieve this branded shade? The Daily Freier compiled a list of “Do’s and Don’ts“.

 Do’s:

1.       Hang out with French people, eat at French-owned restaurants, and buy French products.

2.       Become fashionably religious, keep traditions strictly (like Kashrut or Shabbat), but do it gracefully.

3.       Keep on being slightly condescending, but add a solid touch of the Israeli chutzpah.

4.       Be very proud of being French, but insist on speaking solely in Hebrew with all non-French people.

5.       Spend a lot (read: “all“) of your time at Lala-Land Restaurant on Frischman Beach.

6.       The corner of Bograshov and Ben Yehuda is the new Center of your Universe.

Don’ts:

1.       Don’t even try to do everything above. You do not have the panache to make this work.

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De mes plus sincères salutations,

Mia Deych

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