Month: March 2026

Kerem House, Pesach, Tel Aviv Living, Top 10

Top Ten Surprises at the Kerem House Seder

Good News! The Kerem House in Tel Aviv is having a Seder! Yes, the place that once hosted a bunch of Zonked Out Midburners with a lack of proper footwear on their roof! Yeah, those guys! Plus, they’re collaborating with Tel Aviv International Synagogue! Anyhoo, this event promises to be Off The Hook. So hurry up and get your tickets while you still can using this link! But in the meantime, the Daily Freier has been sneakily collecting Intelligence on the upcoming event, and we have constructed some Amazing Predictions of what you will experience at Kerem House this Wednesday night. So Behold: The Top Ten Surprises at the Kerem House Seder! Spoiler Alert: Some of these things have already come true.


1. You find the Afikomen but they just give you some Kerem House Crypto currency.

2. Daniel plans a Flash Mob where everyone comes dressed as their Favorite Plague.

3. That’s not Eliyahu HaNavi at the door, it’s their angry French neighbor with a noise complaint. 

4. Jason & Daniel’s Duet of “Had Gadya” is getting a little frisky. 

5. Hey, what did Jason do with all the Bitter Herbs?

6. The Ancient Egypt-themed Settlers of Catan tournament. 

7. I really don’t remember the Haggadah having a speed-dating event. 

8. Daniel convinces Pharaoh to do a Kerem
 House TED Talk via Zoom after the Holiday.

9. In order to remember Our Time in Bondage, you’re all doing their dishes after the Seder.

10. After 4 cups of wine, Jason signs you up for his Master Campers “40 days wandering the Negev” event.

Jerusalem, Judaism, Our "Cousins"

Top Ten Mistakes Made By Palestinian Burglar Disguised as Haredi Guy

So they arrested a Palestinian for stealing computer equipment from a shop in Jerusalem’s Ma’alot Dafna neighborhood. But get this, he was disguised as a Haredi man, which is kinda CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, isn’t it? Anyhoo, according to News Reports, the man was “behaving suspiciously” before he was busted with stolen license plates, burglary tools, and the purloined merchandise. But the Daily Freier wanted to know more about how our “Cousin” messed up his disguise. In order to get to the bottom of this mystery, we dispatched our Almost-Back-on-the-Derech Reporter Yekutiel Bornstein and our Greater Jerusalem/Shomron Bureau Chief Chava Ewa to the scene of the crime. So behold: “Top Ten Mistakes That Busted The Palestinian Burglar Disguised as Haredi Guy”:

1. Never asked the Cops if they do Daf Yomi with Eli Stefansky.

2. He refused a cup of water during Interrogation “because plastic cups are bad for the environment“.

3. Was found with a bottle of “fancy” Coca Cola and not RC Cola.

4. Managed to get through a sentence without saying “Baruch HaShem” three times.

5. His shirt was ironed.

6. He wasn’t carrying a plastic bag.

7. His phone was manufactured after 2002.

8. A search of his pockets did not reveal 4 borekas from a Simcha wrapped in a napkin.

9. He wasn’t looking at the ground as he walked.

10. His pants weren’t hemmed 3 inches above his ankle.

11. He said he was going to work.

Iran War 2026, Top 10

Top 10 Signs That Your New Ayatollah Might Be Gay

1. The Straits are closed but he still has more oil than Diddy.

2. He works out at Holmes Gym in Dizengoff Center.

3. Still Looking for an Iftar with Bottomless Mimosas.

4. His Safe House has track lighting and tasteful but subdued carpeting.

5. Selling his tickets to Lady Gaga because “something came up“.

6. Grindr profile says he’s “On the DL” and “does not travel“.

7. The TikTok of him singing “Islands in the Stream” with Yahya Sinwar.

8. Blew his cover at the Bazaar today because he wanted to “make an Entrance”. 

9. Always on fishing trips with Mohammed El-Kurd but they never bring back any fish.*

10. Skipped last year’s Al Quds Conference because he was “in my Annie Lennox Phase“.

* This is clearly a Brokeback Mountain Reference.

 Special Thanks to Tireless Citizen Journalists Ari Calvo and Lee Saunders!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mossad, Operation Epic Fury, Top 10

Top Ten Signs That Israel Is About To Blow Up Your Staff Meeting

1. There’s a red dot on the wall but nobody has a laser pointer.

2. Why did the tea lady just call you “Mami”?

3. Your new IT guy insisted on working from home today.

4. The security guard is snacking on Hamantaschen.

5. Conference room is reserved for “Soleimani Reunion 2026”.

6. You open Bluetooth and see “Dudu’s burner phone”.

7. The felafel guy gave you a free Apple Air Tag with your order.

8. Bird on the windowsill is tweeting Hatikvah.

9. You sneeze and a man in the heating ducts says “LeBriyut!”.

10. Photographer for the group picture wants you to stand on some red and white concentric circles.

Operation Epic Fury, Top 10

Top Ten Other Times That The Iranian News Anchor Cried On Live TV

1. Zayn quit One Direction
2. NBC didn’t renew Freaks & Geeks
3. Candace Owens tried to pronounce “anecdote”
4. Barbra Streisand announced her Goodbye Tour
5. “That” scene in The Crying Game
6. Last year’s Finale of The Bachelor
7. Kim told Khloe that Tristan cheated on her
8. Bruce Willis died at the end of Armageddon
9. Bennifer broke up for the second time
10. Trump called Rosie O’Donnel fat