(Please Don’t Try This At Home!)
By Yekutiel Bornstein
Last Updated 12/29/2018 at 5:45 PM
Philadelphia: A member of the Reform Jewish Community is lucky to be alive this evening after engaging in a risky drinking game. Adam G. is currently in stable condition after drinking a shot of Scotch each time the Rabbi at his Reform Temple invoked “Tikkun Olam” during the Shabbat sermon. The Daily Freier spoke with bystanders about this near-tragic event.
“I was sitting with Adam in the back of the Sanctuary by that table with all the old issues of Lilith, and things started okay.” explained Adam’s friend Seth. “The Rabbi mentioned the canned food drive, and invoked Tikkun Olam, so Adam took a shot. Fine, whatever. Then the Rabbi kind of got on a roll. When he started talking about Trump, I knew Adam was in trouble. By the time the Rabbi got to his anecdote about meeting Beto O’Rourke at the Austin Rally for Justice, Adam was slurring his words. When the Rabbi started talking about the Fair-Trade Hummus at his Food Co-Op, Adam was on the floor. I started CPR, and everyone sang Bim-Bam until the paramedics arrived.”
According to Adam’s friend Lisa, this sort of risky behavior should not have been a surprise. “Ever since Adam was kicked out of Hebrew Union College Rabbinic School for failing guitar class, he’s been on a bit of a downward spiral. I guess we should have seen this coming.”
According to sources close to Adam, he is “totally done” with the Tikkun Olam Drinking challenge. But tomorrow afternoon he intends to read The Forward and do a Bong Hit every time Peter Beinart starts a sentence with “As a Jew“.
8 thoughts on “Reform Jew hospitalized after doing whiskey shot each time Rabbi mentioned “Tikkun Olam””
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I laugh at you all the time.
This veteran Reform rabbi loves your “story.” The only problem is that there is no whiskey
in most Reform temples and certainly no whiskey shots, though I do have some 100 proof
vodka for our Havdalah Blue-Plate Special. The whiskey shots are much more likely to be
found in Orthodox shuls, to give the men something to do during the Rabbi’s sermon.
Reform Jews favor Manischewitz or, among those who would have built a wall to keep
out the Eastern-European immigrants, a fine Chardonnay or Chablis.
But the table in the back with old copies of “Lilith” was spot-on, right?
Perhaps in some congregations. I got it twenty years ago, but I never read the articles;
I bought it for the pictures.