Wow, that last missile was CLOSE! It’s a good thing this public shelter was nearby. The facility manager just shut that giant steel door and he thinks the barrage of missiles is not going to stop for a long time. So I guess we’re stuck in here!
Which is great because I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the incredible changes in my life since I embraced the vegan lifestyle. Did you know that Tel Aviv is the world capital of vegan cuisine? I was in the Shuk yesterday and had this a-ma-zing “pulled pork” sandwich but get this…it was made of jackfruit! Wait, you don’t know what jackfruit it? So you can get it in the Asian markets here and it is really great because it takes on the texture and consistency of meat but at the same time it….
…But first I need to tell you about how much farmland we can save by ending our dependence on the beef industry and converting the grazing land into sustainable agriculture using traditional crop rotation and organic fertilizer derived from urban composting especially….
….Wait, there’s a video I’ve been meaning to show you. Have you ever actually SEEN how hot dogs are made? Because I have this YouTube clip and it is so DISGUSTING that you will NEVER eat them again. OK let’s open up my phone and… what? You don’t think I can get reception inside the walls of the shelter? That’s why I carry around a small Wi-Fi repeater in my purse! It lets me use the Internet ANYWHERE! OK, so let’s cue up the video to the part where they take the intestines and turn them into….
Hey, where are you going? Stop trying to climb out of the shelter window, it’s not safe yet!