SCENE: The Daily Freier Newsroom. Morning Staff Meeting
Yuval Weiss, Editor: OK people! It’s a slow news day. We need to make something up. Maybe we can write something about a guy joining the German Intelligence Agency.
Lee Saunders: OK, but the guy is actually of Spanish descent.
Yuval: Good! Next!
Mia Deych: Can he be gay?
Yuval: Yes! Next!
Aaron Pomerantz: OK, but he’s also active in the gay adult film industry until 2011.
Yuval: Not only is that idea in the story, that idea is DEFINITELY in the story! Next!
Yekutiel Bornstein: But now he’s on the DL. Like married with 4 kids.
Yuval: Brilliant! Next!
Emily Goldstein: But then he secretly converts to Islam in 2014!
Yuval! Perfect! Now THIS is brainstorming!
Mark Levy: And then he self-radicalizes!
Yuval: I’m feeling it! Next!
Lee: But then he applies to work in the German Intelligence Service and is accepted!
Yuval: Amazing! Keep it going! Next!
Aaron: And let’s make him 51 years old. You know, Like Bono except much younger!
Yuval: Yes! We have the momentum! Next!
Mia: Then he starts frequenting Jihadi Internet Chat Rooms!
Yuval!: Money! Next!
Emily: Can we make it so that he’s not that smart? Like he says in the chat room that he’s a German Intelligence agent of Spanish descent?
Yuval: Yes! And in the Jihadi chat room, his alias is the same as his Gay Porn Name! Next!
Yekutiel: So in the chat room he offers to facilitate access to the spy agency’s headquarters in Cologne! And then… what’s wrong?
Yuval: (Checking his I-Phone) F–K! This actually just happened! This has never happened before in the history of satire. I mean, it’s not like any of our crazy stories ever come true in real life or anything!