Many us share a love for Young Adult Womens’ literature, but found it lacked a particular focus on boycotting a certain country. A country populated by certain Rootless Cosmopolitans who lacked a capacity for British irony. A country located to the Southwest of Syria, a nation whose leader I consider a friend. So imagine how chuffed I was upon hearing the news that Sally Rooney has decided not to translate her works into Hebrew.

As I told my comrades in the Islington Gardening Allotment this morning, Chick Lit finally has a champion in the struggle to erase the Zionist Entity for Palestine.  Sally’s books now truly have “something for everyone”. Our steadfast colleague Diane Abbott noted that Sally’s female protagonists “display terrible choices in men that remind me of some of the choices that I once made as a young woman.” I’m not sure what she’s referring to, but it sounds like a rather authentic endorsement.

Ms. Rooney’s stand is truly a breath of fresh air. For too many months, the Progressive Left in this nation has been hectored by a series of reactionary Kulaks Blairites spinning yarns such as “Why did Corbyn’s Labour rallies feature a sea of Palestinian flags but no Union Jacks?” Yet what these critics don’t understand is that the Northern Counties that abandoned Labour were not interested in jobs or their childrens’ education. Rather, they were waiting for a Woke Novelist to rally the Proletariat in the Struggle for Palestine.

Ms. Rooney, please consider yourself invited to my next High Tea at the House of Commons.