Tag: JihadiJezz

BDS, Jeremy Corbyn

Sally Rooney’s fight for Chick-Lit Intersectional Justice, by Jeremy Corbyn

Many us share a love for Young Adult Womens’ literature, but found it lacked a particular focus on boycotting a certain country. A country populated by certain Rootless Cosmopolitans who lacked a capacity for British irony. A country located to the Southwest of Syria, a nation whose leader I consider a friend. So imagine how chuffed I was upon hearing the news that Sally Rooney has decided not to translate her works into Hebrew.

As I told my comrades in the Islington Gardening Allotment this morning, Chick Lit finally has a champion in the struggle to erase the Zionist Entity for Palestine.  Sally’s books now truly have “something for everyone”. Our steadfast colleague Diane Abbott noted that Sally’s female protagonists “display terrible choices in men that remind me of some of the choices that I once made as a young woman.” I’m not sure what she’s referring to, but it sounds like a rather authentic endorsement.

Ms. Rooney’s stand is truly a breath of fresh air. For too many months, the Progressive Left in this nation has been hectored by a series of reactionary Kulaks Blairites spinning yarns such as “Why did Corbyn’s Labour rallies feature a sea of Palestinian flags but no Union Jacks?” Yet what these critics don’t understand is that the Northern Counties that abandoned Labour were not interested in jobs or their childrens’ education. Rather, they were waiting for a Woke Novelist to rally the Proletariat in the Struggle for Palestine.

Ms. Rooney, please consider yourself invited to my next High Tea at the House of Commons.

Jeremy Corbyn, Nefesh B' Nefesh

Meet this week’s top Nefesh b’Nefesh Aliyah advisor for the UK!

Nefesh B’ Nefesh is proud to recognize this week’s most effective Advisor for Aliyah from the United Kingdom! Meet “Jezza”, a pensioner from Islington who has done some amazing pro-bono work for our London office!

Jezza is no stranger to Nefesh B’Nefesh, having done a superb job encouraging Aliyah from 2015 to 2020 while working in the Westminster neighborhood of London. Yet this week Jezza really hit his stride, even appearing at a parade with a giant float depicting a grotesque hook-nosed man with demonic eyes! That’s our Jezza!

Yet we are not the only ones who appreciate Jezza. Apparently the busy men and women at Hamas also gave him a shout-out (Non-Satire Alert: This really happened.) In fact, this weekend some of Jezza’s biggest fans decided to drive around North London sharing their support for our amazing volunteer!

When he’s not busy volunteering, Jezza enjoys having tea with friends and working in his gardening allotment.

Election 2018, Jeremy Corbyn, The Jooz

Exciting times for The Democratic Party! By Jeremy Corbyn

I just wanted to take a moment from my day to reflect on some simply amazing developments across the Atlantic. For too long, the Democratic Party pushed all of the same sad old Center-Left/Clinton-Blair themes. But today there are some exciting new faces shaking things up! It is in this vein that I have looked on with much fondness and anticipation at the exciting young voices in the Party, especially Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar. Now Ms. Tlaib has created a very robust coalition, consisting of the Many not The Jew Few, and her friends have some very innovative solutions to the crisis in Palestine. Indeed, some of their Solutions seem rather Final. If this was not exciting enough for one day, finding out that Ms. Tlaib used to write for Louis Farrakhan’s newspaper was quite simply delicious. Minister Farrakhan and I share so much, particularly in our views concerning “The People of the Book”.

Yet in much the same case as with today’s Labour Party, there are unseen powers working against Rashida, Ilhan, and our other friends in the Democratic Party.  Who are these Unseen Powers? We really don’t know for sure, but we have a pretty good idea who (((They))) are. Speaking of which, Ilhan quickly determined the source of Power wielded by a certain group of Rootless Cosmopolitans who claim to come from the Levant.  As the Young People would say, it is in fact “All About the Benjamins“. (Isn’t the Vernacular of the Street simply delightful in its ability to turn a phrase? Fascinating, really.) Finally, we had a voice pointing out what so many of us on the Progressive Left have known for so long: that Israel has been hypnotizing the World. Furthermore, watching Ms. Omar’s vociferous cross-examination of that Zio  former Reagan and Bush Administration appointee Elliot Abrams was quite simply a breath of fresh air. And while she did not know his actual name, and would not let him respond to her questions, her fighting spirit reminded me of the best of George Galloway (who may be back in Labour sooner than you think. You heard it here first!). This was almost as refreshing as my Comrade McDonnell informing us this week that Winston Churchill was a villain!

Yet as much as I admire Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar, I would be remiss to ignore the great achievements of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez! Her astute views on the merits of a Socialist Command Economy are a clear indicator of her bright future in politics. We even Tweet to one another sometimes! So while Ms. Ocasio-Cortez may not yet be as far along as Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar when it comes to the Jewish Question, all of us in Labour have confidence that she will soon see this issue as we see it.

So while I am not one to blow my own horn, to the extent that any of their new direction was inspired by today’s Labour Party, well I am right chuffed. In fact, I look forward to inviting Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar for Tea at the House of Commons some time this Spring!

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Jeremy Corbyn, Mossad

Jeremy Corbyn reviews the new Eichmann Movie
(photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today we look at the newly released film “Operation Finale“, the sad tale of a rogue nation taking so-called justice into its own hands. This movie recounts the story of Israel’s illegal and extra-judicial kidnapping of Adolph Eichmann from Argentina, a lovely country that is also home to the Malvina Islands. Apparently, Mr. Eichmann had some sort of role in the Holocaust. Now let me say clearly that the Holocaust was a tragedy (although truth be told some of my friends in Hamas whom I have hosted for tea would agree to disagree. Also, they would have put quote marks around the word “Holocaust.”) Yet Israel’s all-too-familiar use of force was to compound a tragedy with a tragedy, much like America’s illegal execution of one Mr. Bin Laden (Real World Non-Satire Alert: He Really Really said this about the death of Bin-Laden). Truly, if Mr. Eichmann were in fact guilty of a crime, why not simply notify the nearest Argentinian constabulary?

The movie depicts the commendable efforts Mr. Eichmann had made to open himself up to other cultures, to include learning the local language, and adopting the lovely Spanish name of “Ricardo Klement.” And in a singular act of proletarian solidarity, he took the bus to work every day. Yet Mr. Eichmann’s earnest attempts at multiculturalism failed to impress the Mossad, which took upon itself the task of kidnapping him and trundling him off to “Israel” for trial. And if being kidnapped by the Mossad wasn’t unpleasant enough already, Eichmann then had to fly on EL AL..

Israel then tried and executed Eichmann, another sad tally on its list of victims. Just to add insult to injury, Israel then spread his ashes in the sea, precluding any future graveside memorials, like the wreath that I specifically did NOT lay at the grave of Black September activists.

Now you may scoff at my review. You may even accuse me of willful ignorance. Yet remember this: it’s still not as dumb as what Hannah Arendt wrote about the Eichmann trial.

Jeremy Corbyn, Terrorism

“So it wasn’t a Gardening Allotment?” Corbyn explains Terrorist Cemetery visit

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/13/2018 at 4:45 PM

London, Islington: UK Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn is speaking out forcefully after getting totally busted allegations surfaced that he attended a cemetery memorial service in Tunisia for the Black September terrorists who murdered 11 Israelis athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympic games.

“It looked for all the world like a Gardening Allotment, not unlike my very own patch of lettuce, radishes, and endive right here in Islington.” Mr. Corby explained at his local cafe as he busied himself with a red pen, striking through various sections of the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance’s working definition of Anti-Semitism. “Although it was a bit odd that their allotment had little more than grass and flowers. And a lot of stones with writing on them. Aren’t different cultures simply fascinating?”

While taking Mr. Corbyn at his word, The Daily Freier asked Jezz just why he would attend any kind of event with Black September members, but he was adamant that the whole thing was just a giant misunderstanding. “Black September? That sounds like one of the lesser-known Bank Holidays. Or a weekend festival in Cornwall. Or possibly a Folk Music Trio from the East Midlands.” Jeremy stared into space for a moment and then wondered out loud,  “How is it that this strange series of unfortunate events keep occurring around me?”

The Daily Freier wanted to talk to Mr. Corbyn a bit more about his political beliefs, but he politely begged off, explaining “I simply MUST get to work on my response to tomorrow’s Labour Party Anti-Semitism scandal.”

EDITORS NOTE: While this is satire, it is actually somehow less implausible than his actual excuse.

 

 

Jeremy Corbyn, The Jooz

Opposing the Zionist land-grab known as “Tu B’Shevat”, by Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn's Tu B'ShevatThis week we observe another sad anniversary of displacement and dispossession in Historic Palestine: The Zionist Land-Grab masquerading as Environmentalism known as “Tu B’Shevat“. This so-called “Birthday of the Trees” is sadly little more than another attempt by the Zionists to create “Facts on the Ground“, or more specifically “In the Ground“. While some Zionists attempt to portray the scheme as a sort of Poor Man’s Earth Day, it is rather little more than a Naqba with a green facade. Additionally, Israeli school children are encouraged to plant trees, once again contributing to the gradual marginalization of the Palestinian people from their land, tree by planted tree.

Furthermore, On Tu B’Shevat it is customary to have a “Seder“, where the Israelis commit mass amounts of cultural appropriation by displaying and then eating various indigenous Palestinian fruit and nuts. To add insult to injury, the debacle gains a festive air as attendees consume four glasses of wine.

But all is not lost. The outspoken Palestinian activists known as “Hamas“, whom I count among my friends, have their own ecological beliefs. Something about helpful trees and rocks that talk. And in this parable, perhaps we can strive to find a solution to the current impasse. A Solution that is indeed rather Final, if you will. Quite Fascinating, to tell the truth. Quite Fascinating.

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party

No, I’m serious. Just what must I do to get kicked out of Labour?

No I’m serious. Just what do I have to do to get kicked out of Labour?By Jeremy Corbyn, MP

May 30, 2017

Finsbury Park: So far 2017 has been a rather trying year for me. The Islington People’s-Socialist-Fair-Trade-Third-World-Food Co-Op has been quite simply in an uproar since last month’s “Venezuelan Quinoa Incident“. The Food Co-Op’s whatsapp group has become veritable torture for me. To be honest, I am quite the Luddite, so I only took an iPhone under duress because Party Leadership said I needed to be “more accessible” when I go on my morning walkabouts in the Heath. And it is not only the Quinoa Incident that they debate endlessly in the chat group. Of course there is the NGO “Palestinian Lesbian Anarchists against the Wall” that wants to sell their wares in our shop. So far so good, but what is their position on Climate Change?  And the NHS? And manspreading?

Then there is my bicycle, which continues to break at the most inopportune moments, like when I was on my way to the Marwan Barghouti Benefit Concert in Tower Hamlets last week. Of course, one would be remiss without mentioning my garden allotment. Ms. Bannister insists that it was my kale crop that introduced the weevils that seem poised to make quite a snack of her corn crop. Incidentally, a certain Mr. Goldstein continues to illegally occupy encroach upon my radishes with his rather arcane crop of chick peas and red peppers. So you can see, Mr. Corbyn’s  (very vegan) plate is rather full. I am burning the (vegetable oil) candle at both ends. Jezz needs a break.

With all of my responsibilities, I simply do not have time for all of the nonsense in Parliament. “Votes“.  “NATO”. “Protecting the citizens of the United Kingdom“. Therefore, for the past several months I have done everything in my power to get myself removed from office so that I may return to focusing on the important things, like the problematic gear shift on my Schwinn. And the sorry state of my lettuce crop. And improving my attendance for the Yoga Classes at the Leisure Centre. But it appears to be all for naught. I have tried everything.

So visiting Syria as the guest of Bashar Assad was not enough? How about if my travel-mate was Jenny Tonge? How about that I attended a wreath laying ceremony for the lead architect of the 1972 Munich Olympics….misunderstanding? Then I refused to apologize for inviting the Irish Republican Army for tea at the height of their 1980’s bombing campaign. For goodness sake, I blamed the Manchester attack on British Foreign Policy

Now it appears that even if Labour loses next month’s election, I still won’t be allowed to step down. I am simply at my wit’s end. Once again…. Just what must I do to get kicked out of Labour?

ISIS, Jeremy Corbyn

ISIS and the West: moving past the name-calling, by Jeremy Corbyn

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

What I am about to say may cause some discomfort, but perhaps it is time that we move beyond the Neo-Thatcherite/Neo-Blairite visions of the world and find a new approach. Today the West finds itself once again mixed up in a war in the Middle East, and once again we are hearing the name calling of our so-called enemies. Words like “fascist”, “murderous”, and “evil”. But I used those words just last week to describe proposed changes to the NHS. So perhaps it is time to step back, take a deep breath and try to understand “The Other”.  To work toward a more even-handed vision.

Again, the usual suspects continue to use quite slanderous words about ISIS. Yet right here in London, we can witness genuine outreach on their part, with the very real example of Anjem Choudary, who has made sincere efforts to work with the Progressive Community by defending a Labour MP when she got slightly ahead of herself and suggested that Israel should be dismantled and the Jews shipped off to the United States. In fact, one can even compare ISIS to Israel, which I have been known to do in the past.

So today I stand before you as a proud member of the Progressive Left and say: It is time for us to look at ISIS objectively and see it for what it truly is. A community that is ethnically diverse, dissatisfied with the status quo, critical of Western Imperialism, and clearly motivated enough to take direct action.  They embrace the philosophy of Said Qutb. But so do many people whom I count among my friends. They are fond of their beards, as am I. They have some serious problems with a certain group of people clustered along the Levant and the London Northern Line. As do I.

And to those of you who think this speech is crazy and something I can’t possibly have really said, please think long and hard and ask yourself: ‘If Jeremy Corbyn said this would I actually be shocked?‘

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party

Corbyn Hires Bianca Jagger as Social Media Director

Corbyn Hires Bianca Jagger as Social Media Director Daily Freier

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 7/13/2016 at 11:20 AM

London: Noted rock star ex-wife and activist Bianca Jagger got into a bit of a pickle yesterday when she inadvertently (we think!) tweeted out a list of British Members of Parliament who had voted for the Iraq War. The list, helpfully compiled by the White Nationalist site Metapedia, included such pertinent information as the race, sexual orientation (with details!), and sometimes even the religion (We’ll give you three guesses which religion they singled out, and the first two guesses don’t count) of individual MP’s. But it’s all good because she tweeted at 4 AM and forgot to like read the link and stuff. 

Yet out of Crisis comes Opportunity. Upon seeing Ms. Jagger in action, Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn reached out to her and offered her the position of Social Media Director.  Labour Spokesperson Liam C. explained. “With Mr. Corbyn, the strategy is all about keeping his opponents off-balance as they try to figure out if he’s malicious, obtuse, or just inept.  And Ms. Jagger’s tweet certainly demonstrated that she has what it takes to join our team.”

Bianca, who is a reminder of just how much blow they must have done at Studio 54 in the 1970’s President and Chief Executive of the Bianca Jagger Human Rights Foundation, promised to hit the ground running.  “I am very excited to join Mr. Corbyn’s team as we work toward true equality for all.” Ms. Jagger then sought to put to rest any lingering doubts from yesterday’s tweet. “Along with Labour, I stand four-square against any form of racism. Today’s inadvertent tweet certainly does not represent my true feelings. And neither will the next inadvertent tweet……Or the one after that.”

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BDS, Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party

Corbyn ‘Concerned’ by tomorrow’s Anti-Semitic Tweet From Labour Councillor

Steve Punter :Corbis

(Photo Credit: Steve Punter/Corbis)

By Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 4/10/2016 at 11:50 AM

London: Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn expressed his concern following tomorrow’s tweet from a Labour Party Councillor alleging that the Joooz secretly run the banks from a secret enclave in the Swiss Alps.  Labour, which lately appears to strive to be the “Socialism” in “The Socialism of Fools“, was taken very much off guard by tomorrow’s tweet, as this type of thing simply does not happen in Labour.

The Councilor who will send the tweet, from Luton or Birmingham or maybe Manchester, is now “under investigation” and will be expelled from the Party the day after tomorrow, after which he or she will quietly be re-admitted some time around August.

In other news, members of Labour’s Environment and Ecology Committee have proposed a tree-saving initiative in which instead of a full-page statement, the Party will denounce future anti-Semitic tweets with a terse “Please see our last statement on this subject.”

Mr. Corbyn for his part stressed that tomorrow’s tweet will be an isolated incident. “I am extremely concerned with tomorrow’s tweet. However, I must state that tomorrow’s tweet is not part of any pattern of anti-Semitism within the Party.  And neither was the previous incident.  Nor the incident before that. Nor the one before that. Nor the one before that. Nor the one before that. Nor the one before that.”

 

 

 

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