By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 10/19/2021 at 2:00 PM

Joint Base McGuire-Dix, New Jersey: A junior officer described by superiors as having “tremendous potential” washed out of his Joint Planning Course this week. The Captain, who goes by “Mark”, was summoned to a closed-door meeting with the School Commandant on Monday after the catastrophic failure of his Course Capstone Project. The assignment, which he kept on a floppy disc labeled “Kabul Airport“, ended ignominiously for the Captain, and also crashed the building’s server. The Daily Freier stopped by the Schoolhouse to get some answers.

“The signs were all there.” complained Mr. Higgins, a retired Air Force Logistics Planner. “He answered his phone in the middle of my Classified lecture on Redeployment. When I yelled at him, he said that it was ‘Woodward’ and that he had to take the call.” Mr. Higgins took a sip from his coffee mug and stared out the window toward the flightline. “Also, he blamed a Supply shortfall on White Fragility.”

The Daily Freier then spoke to some of Mark’s classmates. “At first he seemed like a motivated officer. Decorations and assignments all checked out.” mused a Navy Chief. “But during our group project on Base Defense, he kept wandering off to read “The 1619 Project”.  Honestly, I blame his NCO’s for not nipping this in the bud.”

As the Daily Freier prepared to leave, we bumped into Mark, who insisted that his final project wasn’t really due “until sometime in the Spring“. We pressed Mark on the accuracy of this response, but he told us that he was “late for a Board Meeting at Raytheon“.