Olmert can get you a better cell in A-Block for 2 cartons of smokes and some bamba

Gili Yohanan POOL

(Photo Credit: Gili Yohanan/POOL)

By Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 4/12/2016 at 1:40 PM

Ramle, Ma’asiyahu Prison: While you were lining up for roll call this morning you ran into “Uncle Ehud”, the new guy from Gimel-Block. And he says he can find you a really good place over in Aleph-Block which is walking distance to the commissary and has a window with a really nice view.  The deal sounds pretty good. And for a new guy, Ehud is really connected. He even got a job in the kitchen and meals have never been more efficient or tasty.  But for some reason the inventories keep coming up short. He says it must be something wrong with the version of Microsoft Excel that the Supply Office uses.

So Ehud says everything is ready to go and the deal can be finished before Lights-Out tonight.  He just needs you to put 2 cartons of cigarettes and a bag of bamba in a large manila envelope and drop it off with Shlomo the Orderly in the recreation yard. And if you can make the delivery by 3 PM, he will even throw in a blank Sick Pass from the Infirmary.

You know, even though you’re doing time and it isn’t easy here, things are getting better every day. And having a few high-profile convicts isn’t that bad either.  Maybe it means they make the place just a little bit nicer for everyone. No complaints here! And get this, for some reason Aryeh Deri got the Knesset to build us a Shabbat-Compliant elevator that will be completed before the High Holy Days!

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