Valerie Plame: Elect me and find out what they put in the Matzoh!

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/15/2019 at 11:30 AM

Santa Fe: Political Nerds everywhere (Hi!) are beyond excited this week with the news that former CIA Agent Valerie Plame is running for Congress in New Mexico! For those of you playing along at home, Ms. Plame was in the middle of a giant Balagan about 15 years ago about the Iraq War, secret identities, Dick Cheney, Weapons of Mass Destruction and a bunch of other things from a decade Before the Covfefe Era (BCE). Anyhoo, in addition to all that, Ms. Plame used to be really into Twitter, but now we can’t find her account. Which is weird, cuz it had some pretty cool stuff on it. Like the time she retweeted a story called “America’s Jews Are Driving America’s Wars“.  But that was an honest mistake that she owned up to by saying…. ummm…. “Many neocon hawks ARE Jewish.” Yet this was really just an isolated incident, except, umm, for the other time that she retweeted a 9/11 Conspiracy theory about Dancing Jooz.

Fortunately, Ms. Plame has moved on after her campaign manager snatched her Iphone and deleted her Twitter account and just launched her Congressional Campaign with an A-Ma-Zing video where she drives a Camaro in the desert in reverse faster than Israel created ISIS. Because let’s face it, there’s not a minute to spare. We need Ms. Plame to put on her old CIA sleuth hat and get to the bottom of some stuff that’s been keeping us up at night. Such as….

  1. Who poisoned the village well?
  2. (Something about the Rothschilds. And The Freemasons. And an Octopus.)

And of course…

3. What’s gives their matzoh that special zing?

As a special treat, Ms. Plame also informed us that she has previously unmentioned Jewish ancestors! You know, like Ken Livingstone’s grandmother! And, umm….Julia Salazar. OMG! Or as Ms. Plame now says, ‘Oy Gevalt!’

The Daily Freier will continue covering this story just as soon as we put the finishing touches on tomorrow’s weather.

7 thoughts on “Valerie Plame: Elect me and find out what they put in the Matzoh!”

  1. Dearest. You have not noticed you have a fellow daily freier partner in the White House, who is playing the press to madness. Covfefe is actually a real rhyme from a Paolo Conte Song. Pay me 50$ and I look for you the exact song text. In exchange for this journalistic scoop, that is no money, but a bargain.

      1. How does a chain letter sound? Something funky, groove, or what else? Do you at all know, who Paolo Conte is, or did you run to Wikipedia to find out?

  2. Isn´t that classy music?

    We listen it every time we drive to Italy for holydays.

    I live BTW in Germany. We are thus often in Italy and with Paolo Conte underways.

    And this time not kidding. It was a strophe in one of his albums: Covfefe. Someone from the staff of White House dropt that word over Twitter full intent, whether Trump himself or an aide, to make the press crazy and artificially buzzy.

    He knows, that not even a Nobel prize for Peace and Literature together could bring him the favor of the press. Because he belongs according to its standards to the rednecks, not able to speak about the right things by a cup of tea and continuously sticking out the little finger while holding the cup.

    America is the last place, where Moliere´s “Les Précieuses ridicules” hasn´t yet been performed. The US has time. It was written just quite recently: 1659.

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