By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 7/18/2018 at 4:30 PM
New York: Scholars from Columbia University’s prestigious Linguistics Department have come up with a bold discovery: that “Ocasio-Cortes” is Spanish for “Sarah Palin“. The Daily Freier attended a Press Conference held by the Department Chair, Professor Nigel Tufnel.
“This is truly groundbreaking.” Professor Tufnel explained. “It’s like a Unified Theory or Something. I mean, now we understand how somebody could believe that the low Unemployment Rate was because ‘everyone was working two jobs.’ We’re in awe.”
The Daily Freier reached out to Congressional Candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortes for her feelings on this important research into her surname. “These findings are biased and false, like lipstick on a pit bull.” admonished Ms. Ocasio-Cortes. “I want to refudiate it. Also, I’m not an expert at Geopolitics, but I can see the East River from my house.”