By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 1/13/2016 at 5:30 PM
New York: In a strongly worded statement, the Progressive NGO “New Israel Fund” (NIF) demanded the immediate resignation of the Israeli Voting Public for what it described as “continued attacks on Democracy” for exhibiting voting patterns described as “frightening and disconcerting”. NIF Spokesperson Naomi Paiss expanded on this statement at a Press Conference at their New York Headquarters attended by the Daily Freier earlier today.
“Maybe things are just more obvious from New York, Washington, or Stockholm, but it’s as if the Israeli public is totally ignorant of their own best interests.” Ms. Paiss stated. “I mean, who the hell are these so-called “voters” anyway???” Ms. Paiss asked. “It’s almost as if they don’t even read Haaretz.” Ms. Paiss continued on the possible repercussions of the Israeli Public’s continued behavior. “I’m sorry, but I need to break my silence on this topic. If this goes on, we may need to replace the public.”
At the conclusion of the Press Conference, Ms. Paiss conducted a question and answer session with the assembled media. When The Daily Freier asked Ms. Paiss if by her definition of “values contrary to a Democracy” she meant “voting for people or stuff that I don’t like“, she paused, looked at us like we just said that we really like Nickelback and replied “And there’s ANOTHER Definition????” When the Daily Freier challenged Ms. Paiss on this conclusion, she retorted, “Oh don’t look at me like that. You’re acting like we indirectly supported the lynching of Arabs for selling land to Jews or something.”