Tag: Cultural Appropriation

Jerusalem, Judaism, Our "Cousins"

Top Ten Mistakes Made By Palestinian Burglar Disguised as Haredi Guy

So they arrested a Palestinian for stealing computer equipment from a shop in Jerusalem’s Ma’alot Dafna neighborhood. But get this, he was disguised as a Haredi man, which is kinda CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, isn’t it? Anyhoo, according to News Reports, the man was “behaving suspiciously” before he was busted with stolen license plates, burglary tools, and the purloined merchandise. But the Daily Freier wanted to know more about how our “Cousin” messed up his disguise. In order to get to the bottom of this mystery, we dispatched our Almost-Back-on-the-Derech Reporter Yekutiel Bornstein and our Greater Jerusalem/Shomron Bureau Chief Chava Ewa to the scene of the crime. So behold: “Top Ten Mistakes That Busted The Palestinian Burglar Disguised as Haredi Guy”:

1. Never asked the Cops if they do Daf Yomi with Eli Stefansky.

2. He refused a cup of water during Interrogation “because plastic cups are bad for the environment“.

3. Was found with a bottle of “fancy” Coca Cola and not RC Cola.

4. Managed to get through a sentence without saying “Baruch HaShem” three times.

5. His shirt was ironed.

6. He wasn’t carrying a plastic bag.

7. His phone was manufactured after 2002.

8. A search of his pockets did not reveal 4 borekas from a Simcha wrapped in a napkin.

9. He wasn’t looking at the ground as he walked.

10. His pants weren’t hemmed 3 inches above his ankle.

11. He said he was going to work.

From the Freier's Archives....

D-Day Cancelled After Cultural Appropriation Incident

Daily Freier D Day Cancelled Cultural AppropriationBy the Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 6 JUN 44 at 0900 Hours

London: Citing published reports of inappropriate activity among personnel, General Dwight Eisenhower delayed Operation OVERLORD indefinitely. OVERLORD, the planned invasion of Nazi-Occupied Europe, was a closely guarded secret until this morning’s Press Conference.  At the Press Conference, General Eisenhower outlined the infractions.

“The reported incidents within the 101st Airborne of soldiers applying Native American traditional male facial adornment, along with the cutting of hair in traditional Native American style is simply unacceptable in today’s Army.  Not only that, but by combining quote unquote warpaint used by Plains Indians in the 19th Century with hairstyles prevalent among 18th Century Iroquois of what is now Central New York, the soldiers displayed a profound ignorance of cultural norms.  I mean, it’s almost as if they weren’t even paying attention during last week’s Cultural Anthropology/Human Terrain Briefing. Who is their Unit FAO anyway?”

News of the delay spread quickly among the ranks. Technical Sergeant Donald Barclay of the Army Air Corps shared his views with the Daily Freier. “The worst part is that everyone knows this will lead to a mandatory Awareness Briefing, which they always seem to schedule for Friday nights. This is seriously cutting into my drinking time. Oh, and don’t let them see the Rita Hayworth mural on our B-24.”

When asked when the Allies planned to re-schedule the liberation of Europe from Fascism, General Eisenhower stated that perhaps some time in Autumn, but “Definitely not until all units have successfully verified compliance with the scheduled retraining and submitted the results through the Chain of Command. Priorities, people!”