Tag: Spice Girls

Dating and Relationships, The Middle East (but not us)

Our Bestie is Newly Single!

So our A-Ma-Zing Bestie just got out of a toxic (Literally Toxic. Like, chlorine gas toxic) long-term relationship and she’s ready to meet That Special Someone. She’s a single mom in her late 40’s but can easily pass for late 30’s! Honestly, she has a weakness for tall dorky guys, so here’s your chance fellas! She loves cooking, shopping, traveling, and moving funds in increments lower than the U.S. Justice Department’s $10,000 Threshold. She’s a Leo, so you Capricorns and Virgos might be out of luck (But calling all you cute Aries guys!). Some of her Turn-Offs are Rude People, Gossip, and The Hague.

She could totally fall for a nice family-oriented Mizrahi guy or even a London guy… she still knows all the best cafes near Hampstead Heath!

Must be OK with spontaneity, like dancing in a fountain at midnight, singing karaoke (Spice Girls and anything Robbie Williams are her 90’s faves!) trying to dodge an unmarked car that’s tailing you in traffic, or relocating to a safe house with 30 minutes notice.

Serious inquiries only, no Tel Aviv f*ckboys please. Also, no Russian speakers or ophthalmologists (Sorry!)

 

 

Election 2016, Guest Writer Wednesday, The Donald

Donald & Hillary: You’re Fired

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 11/5/2016 at 4:30 PM

Washington: Three hundred million people stateside have been left scratching their heads as both Presidential candidates have dropped out of the U.S. election in as dramatic fashion as it started.

Like the genre of reality show that trumpeted the rise of the Donald, Republican Party leadership told him yesterday: “Donald you’re fired!” as it emerged that the pool of married women left untarnished by Donald for THEM to have affairs with was diminished. He was spotted clinging on to his toupee and golf clubs as he hurried away in a New York cab.

As the news filtered through to a glacial Hillary, she was photographed by the paparazzi, lying in an old pantsuit next to a rusty needle in the sukkah of her son-in-law, smoking a doobie and sucking the juice out of an etrog, insisting “I don’t got no fricking problem, I am gonna castrate the sumbitch.” The Daily Freier’s investigations are inconclusive if she was talking about Anthony Weiner or her husband. There was a knock on the door by men with white coats as Bill looked away, sheepishly at a glossy picture of Monica Lewinsky on the mantlepiece.

Diminished by an embarrassing Brexit, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth made the unusual foray into offering an opinion in the political arena, by bringing up the possibility of renewed British colonialism, saying: “One is happy to take back the United States on a temporary basis until sense and stability have returned, but we demand that they keep Spice Girl Mel B. Oh and Piers Morgan too.”

 

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