Tag: Asma Assad

Corona Virus, The Middle East (but not us)

Corona Virus desperately seeks Vaccine against Bashar Assad

(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/10/2021 at 11:00 AM

Damascus: The Middle East is reeling from news that the Corona Virus has tested positive for Bashar & Asma Assad. Apparently Mr. Corona was exposed to the Ophthalmologist/Serial Killer and his Lovely Wife some time in the last two weeks. The Daily Freier managed to do a Zoom call with Covid as he went into Bidud and desperately searched online for an available vaccine.

“This is a nightmare.” fretted Covid-19 as he bathed his hands in Purel. “Nobody has any actual information about how dangerous this entity could be to my health. I mean, the White Hats had some pretty good data, but Assad had them all killed.”

“I just don’t know how I could have better protected myself.” lamented The Rona. “I had on a mask, but Bashar crossed through that barrier like one of Obama’s Red Lines from 2012.“

The Daily Freier challenged Corona that public health-wise, perhaps he was throwing stones from a glass house, but he quickly cut us off. “Listen, I may have escaped from a Chinese Laboratory [Allegedly!- The Daily Freier Legal Department] , infected millions of people, and ruined the world economy, but I never dropped chlorine bombs on kindergartens. A little respect please.”

As the Daily Freier ended the Zoom call, Covid turned to us with one last question. “Hey, what’s the best way that I can wash Assad’s microbes off my body? Should I take a hot ba’ath?“

Israellycool

Ahed Tamimi Wakes Up From Nightmare Where She Was in an Arab Jail

Judea & Samaria– Everyone’s favorite soldier-slapping Woke Poster Girl has a lot on her mind lately. You see, Ahed Tamimi has had a recurring series of very disturbing dreams this week. Instead of doing time for slapping an Israeli soldier, Ahed dreams that she slapped a soldier of an Arab nation…..and the Arab nation reacts by…..well, let’s just say she doesn’t get a free Mercedes in any of these dreams. The Daily Freier skyped with Ahed and she spilled some serious tea.

“So yeah, I keep having these really creepy dreams.” explained Ahed as she absent-mindedly texted with Al Jazeera. “I slap a soldier that I think is Israeli, but when he turns around, I realize that he’s a soldier from a Brotherly Arab Nation in Eternal Solidarity with the Palestinian People. And yeah, he kicks the shit out of me and sends me to prison.”

(The Freier is on Israellycool today. Go check us out!)