So apparently the U.S. Holocaust Museum has expanded its Mission Statement to include the defense of Barack Obama’s legacy on Syria.
And this has like ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the fact that the Museum Board is now packed with Obama Administration alumnae to include Ben Rhodes, AKA “The Guy who sold us the Iran Deal”.
So the Museum authored a study that said “a variety of factors, which were more or less fixed, made it very difficult from the beginning for the US government to take effective action to prevent atrocities in Syria, even compared with other challenging policy contexts.” Using computational modeling and game theory methods, as well as interviews with experts and policymakers, the report asserted that greater support for the anti-Assad rebels and US strikes on the Assad regime after the August 2013 chemical weapons attack would not have reduced atrocities in the country, and might conceivably have contributed to them.
Anyway, it appears that the Museum is real busy these days burnishing a certain former President’s legacy. And we would not want to disturb them. That would be a red line rude. So we went ahead and edited the Museum’s mission statement (posted above) to reflect their new Goals. You’re Welcome.
By Lee Saunders
Last Updated 2/17/2016 at 6:20 AM
Jerusalem: Israeli supermodel and renowned IDF non-veteran Bar Refaeli was hauled before the Knesset Emergency Committee (KEC) this week to explain how her recent wedding almost dragged Israel into the Syrian civil war and engulfed the country in a fight with Lebanon. Stressed out about the secret wedding photographs being auctioned to trashy magazines, Refaeli bought two drones to hover 1,000 feet above the chuppah in northern Israel in order to deter local and global media attention. When the batteries in the remote control failed, the drones drifted towards Beirut, and the Lebanese militia called in reinforcements. It turned out that Refaeli, who has received free cars, free apartments and was recently under investigation for tax evasion, had not bought the drones but they were actually a remote control airplane with a cellphone camera attached, belonging to her cousin’s neighbor’s former roommate’s eight year-old little cousin Asaf.
Vowing revenge, the fanatical Hezbollah promised no stone would be left unturned in their hunt for the culprits. Unconfirmed reports from local gossip media magazine “Salaam Beirut” alleged that Hassan Nasrallah was aggrieved at not being invited to the wedding. At the moment that orders were given to shoot down the camera-with-wings, Refaeli’s bridesmaids accidentally knocked the remote control out of Asaf’s hands, sending the drone nosediving towards the ISIS-held Syrian village of Beit-al-wadi-forgot-the-rest.
Summoned before the Knesset, she told court reporters: “I am sorry for the balagan, I could not take any chances. I heard one of the religious magazines were sending in under-cover rabbis to officiate and the whole thing made me panic. I am genuinely sorry I never served in the IDF and dodged tax but I never wanted to hurt my country. I didn’t enlist because I felt dating Leonardo Dicaprio and being seen on Fox billboards were good ways to raise Israel’s profile abroad. Am Yisrael Chai.” Before leaving with a suspended fine, she announced that she was pregnant with her first child. Although little Refaeli is not expected until later this year, the nation began to check their bomb shelters and started downloading “Red Alert” in advance.
(AFP PHOTO / LOUAI BESHARA)
By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 12/20/2015 at 9:30 PM
Tel Aviv, HaKirya: The Israel Defense Force conducted a contentious press conference today, where its spokesperson refused to comment on the empty bag of Bamba snack food and crumpled COFIX Coffee cup found in bushes 50 meters from the site where Samir Kuntar and other Hezbollah-affiliated operatives were
fixed up on a blind date with some virgins killed by missiles early this morning. “The IDF has no comment on these so-called snack foods found at the scene of today’s events.”
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