You all might want to sit down for this one, but it looks like Mahmoud Abbas has postponed Palestinian Elections. Again. Now Alert Readers of the Daily Freier will notice that we appear to be recycling an old story.  This is because we are in fact recycling an old story. Now that Mahmoud Abbas is in approaching the 22nd year of his 4-year term in office, the Daily Freier has gotten quite comfortable “going back to the well” for some cheap laughs at Abu Mazen’s expense. Call us hacks if you want, we’re not listening. So without further ado, Behold! The “Top Ten Mahmoud Abbas Excuses for Delaying Palestinian Elections until 2027”!

1. The official campaign photos made me look fat.

2. Mohammed El-Kurd broke up with Firas from accounting and now he’s refusing to come to work.

3. I was in Islington for a month helping Jeremy Corbyn harvest the radishes in his gardening allotment.

4. The Hamas Bumblebee just stung the shit out of me.

5. Probably shouldn’t have used Wix for our Elections Website.

6. Tucker called me and said it was a smart move.

7. We fell WAY behind during the Chagim.

8. Zach Polanski promised to come help next year since he’s going to be “between jobs”.

9. ICE confiscated our yard signs when they raided Ilhan Omar’s house.

10. The Jews.