By Josh Warhit

Last Updated 11/22/2020 at 3:30 PM

Tehran: Al-Qaeda’s second-in-command- Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah, also known as Abu Mohammed Al-Masri, met his demise in Tehran on August 7th when foreign agents gunned him down.

Published reports indicated that Al-Masri was actively planning attacks on Jewish targets, but a fax recording leaked by Israeli intelligence suggests that in the minutes leading up to his assassination, Al-Masri was watching the third season of Fauda.

Defense officials confirmed that Al-Masri can be heard arguing with fellow Al-Qaeda commanders:

“I know that it is our duty to submit Jews to the lowly dhimmi status they deserve, but to be honest all I care about is finding out whether or not Doron and Hila are gonna hook up later this season. Let me finish season 3, and then we can get back to killing Jews.”

The tape’s authenticity was immediately refuted by both Iran, which had been providing sanctuary for Al-Masri, and Al-Qaeda itself.

“Sure, Fauda is exciting, but the idea that al-Masri took a break from his most recent plan to kill Jews is preposterous.” claimed a masked spokesman on a TikTok video put out by Al-Qaeda’s central command, which has since been removed by the platform. “We are downright offended by the notion that we’d devote a mere 98% or 99% of our energies to killing Jews. We are in fact 100% committed.”

The recording was retrieved from the scene of al-Masri’s death, along with a laptop, five empty bags of BBQ-flavored Bisli, and a Cofix cup.