Tag: Bulgaria

Bulgaria busts Iranians with fake Israeli passports after they said “sorry”

(Based on a True Story!)

By Yuval  Weiss

Last Updated  11/11/2018 at 3:00 PM

Kapitan Andreevo Border Crossing, Bulgaria: A group of Iranians traveling with fake Israeli passports were apprehended at the Turkish-Bulgarian border after they apologized to somebody that they accidentally bumped into. Bulgarian Border Police held a Press Conference and explained the additional clues that caused them to first suspect the fake Israelis.

Border Police Spokesperson Ivan D. explained some of these suspicious activities. “Lately, Bulgaria has become quite popular with Israeli tourists because of our low prices, beaches, great food, and natural beauty. So we have become somewhat used to the ‘charm’ that Israeli tourists bring.” Ivan continued. “We first suspected something was wrong when they didn’t ask complete strangers about their salary or sex lives. But we needed more proof, so we had the Duty Free Cart at Border Control skip past them without offering to sell them any chocolate. When the suspects politely asked to make a purchase instead of screaming at the guy, we called Headquarters…. and when one of the Iranians accidentally jostled the person next to him and then apologized, we closed in and made the arrests.

Yet Ivan also noted that if it weren’t for the heroic work of an Israeli bystander, the arrests might not have been made at all. Alert Tel Avivian Ronit S. was asked to address the audience on exactly why she first became suspicious. “So I was on the bus with these guys who said they were Israeli, and their Hebrew sucked. But I thought “Whatever, maybe they’re just Anglo Olim. But when the bus was 5 minutes away from the Terminal, I jumped up, grabbed my bag and sprinted to the front of the bus. And when I turned around to talk to the ‘Israelis’, they were patiently waiting in their seats for the bus to come to a complete stop. So yeah, the moment I got to Passport Control, I talked to the police.”

In related news, some other Iranians with fake Israeli passports were apprehended in Goa after they passed a drug test.

 

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Bulgaria’s Sex Workers & Meth Users denounce rumors that they know Oren Hazan

By Yuval WeissOren Hazzan

Last Updated 10/26/2016 at 4:30 PM

Burgas, Bulgaria: The nation of Bulgaria’s sex worker and meth communities reacted with shocked anger on rumors that some of their own may have knowingly associated with Israeli politician Oren Hazan, who before getting elected to the Knesset managed a Casino in Bulgaria where there was DEFINITELY NO hookers or drugs. The Daily Freier was on the scene to speak to the aggrieved parties.

This ugly rumor that any of our membership associated with Mr. Hazan is libel, and we intend to sue.” explained Tanya M., Chairperson of the Burgas Regional Sex Workers Union. “I mean, we just have sex with strangers for money. Please don’t drag us into a scandal with this character.”

This is how reputations get ruined.” admonished Boris K., President of the Bulgarian Federation of Tweakers, as he gnashed his teeth and stared around the room fitfully. “I mean, I may be an addict, but at least I never mocked a disabled person in Parliament.  Boris began frantically scratching at a scab on his arm. “I’m just afraid that people will begin to associate my meth use with Oren Hazan.

The Daily Freier asked Tanya what the repercussions would be for a member of her Labor Syndicate if the rumors proved true. “Nonsense! It would go against our sense of honor!” Tanya thundered, before turning introspective. “But if it turns out that one of our own shamed herself by associating with that guy, she would have to resign. Or, you know, run for Public Office.

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