(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 2/4/2020 at 1:30 PM

Des Moines International Airport, Iowa: In the aftermath of yesterday’s disastrous Democratic Party Caucus in the State of Iowa, Israel immediately dispatched a C-130 Hercules filled with emergency vote-counting supplies and experts on how to efficiently hold an election. Long known for sending rescue teams to Haiti and other locations stricken by natural disasters, the Israeli Government also maintains a cell of experts on how to hold an election, how to ensure that nobody can form a viable coalition, how to waste a day of national productivity, and Avigdor Liberman. The Daily Freier caught up with the elite team as they unloaded their equipment on the tarmac of Des Moines International Airport.

“We don’t have a moment to spare.” explained Team Leader Yossi H. “They need to begin preparing Right Now for their 3rd or 4th Election some time this Summer.” Yossi quickly gathered his team for a Mission Brief, and we saw the various specialists report in, to include experts from United Torah Judaism on how to trade Draft Exemptions and Stipends for votes, and a team from Kahol Lavan carrying a giant vacuum designed to suck all the charisma out of a room. In addition, a procurement team from the Prime Minister’s Office was immediately dispatched to the rich part of town to solicit free gifts.

The Daily Freier asked Yossi exactly what was required of Iowa in order to reach an Israeli-level of Elections Excellence. “Well, the leader of the United States is under a legal cloud and the opposition is trying to remove him from office before the next election…. so you’re actually off to a good start. But perhaps the reason I am most optimistic is that you also have a cranky Jew who wants to run America like a Kibbutz.”