Tag: Ken Uri the Startup Guy

2023 Israel-Hamas War, The Israel Barbie Collection

Israeli Barbie: Wartime Edition!

Recently many of you have confronted the writers of the Daily Freier as we went about our business in Tel Aviv with an urgent question: how are the members of our Israel Barbie Collection dealing with the war? As we have a certain civic sense of duty to our fellow citizens, we assigned our Lifestyle Reporter Roxy Cruz to answer your pressing questions. So behold: The Israeli Barbie Collection: Wartime Edition!

Ken Ofir HaHatir got exposed for lying about his age because he is not in Miluim (reserve duty) as he is 45 years old, not 36 as he claims. Therefore he is now telling women that he’s not in Miluim because he was injured in the last war. But he is available for them in case they get scared and need emotional support in these difficult times. At short notice, he can come visit with a bottle of Yarden wine and a shoulder to cry on.

Barbie Debra Taglit still thinks it’s a mistake that the Mossad never recruited her for the skills she acquired working at a Miami mall. Debra understood that the noise of the bombs were bad for her cat, Mimi, so she took a flight out of Israel (but left the cat with her neighbor). She’s currently encouraging our soldiers to be brave against Hamas/working non-stop on her Instagram from her parents’ house in Boca Raton.

Barbie Jennifer Israeli Spouse and Ken Yuval Melech HaShuk are currently running 5 minutes from their home in Yafo to the nearest miklat. Yuval is keeping busy making mandalas from seashells and composing songs to clean the vibes with Gaza.

Barbie Sigalit is starting a new business selling incense and aromatherapy. She would like to provide her healing services to people affected by the war, but she needs to get licensed as a therapist. She thinks that this is “Totally BS”, so she is now just burning incense and singing mantras in Sanskrit that she found on YouTube.


Barbie Meirav  would rather die from a rocket hitting her Sheinkin Street apartment than go to the bunker where she might meet her ex-husband, Ken Dudi, his 24 year old Ukrainian model fiancee, Barbie Alina, and all the leftist neighbors she called traitors a few weeks ago before their husbands got recalled to the Reserves for the war.


Barbie Danit is currently under high doses of Xanax. Her kids are at home and the siren barely rings in Ramat Aviv, but she is (secretly) worried about Ken Ofir HaHatir. Ken Uri the Startup guy is secretly expecting a baby from his side chick and will soon divorce her and move to Portugal.

 

Start Up Nation, The Israel Barbie Collection

Introducing Uri the Startup Guy, from our Barbie Israel Collection!

Welcome to the latest addition to our line of Israel-themed Barbie Dolls! Roxy Cruz has taken time out of her busy schedule of pestering her Facebook friends about the virtues of Veganism in order to bring us this new character in her evolving North Tel Aviv Soap Opera! Back in 2020 we met Covid Meirav Barbie, Ken Yuval Melech HaShuk, Yuval’s European Wife Barbie, and Yuval’s girlfriend Barbie Sigalit. In 2023, Roxy introduced us to #GirlBoss Barbie Danit and her Ex Ken Ofir HaHatir. Danit’s story was so compelling that today we bring you her husband. So without further ado, please say hello to Ken Uri the Startup Guy!

Lives in Ramat Aviv with his wife Barbie Danit and their 3 children. Runs a well-funded Online Investment Startup which he created with the $3 Million that his father gave him after Uri gave up his dream of moving to Ecuador and starting a nudity hostel.

Uri wakes up every day at 5:00 AM for no reason at all other than to watch himself in the mirror and say his affirmations. Then he takes an ice shower before he goes to run meetings at his office in Ramat HaHayal, where Uri gives vague instructions to his managers and throw tantrums like a toddler.

Goes to ‘Sexy Fish’ with Ron on the weekends and has a secret relationship with Barbie Sadie, who he met at a Feminine Power retreat.

Has a picture of Elon Musk tattooed on his butt.

* If our readers make a big enough ruckus, maybe we can nudnik Roxy into creating the “Barbie Sadie” character!

** Please do not Google “Ecuador Nudity Hostel”.

The Israel Barbie Collection

Introducing Danit, from our Barbie Israel Collection!

Please welcome the latest addition to our line of Barbie Israel products!  When last we caught up with our in-house designer Roxy Cruz, she had introduced us to Ken Ofir HaHatir. Today we meet Barbie Danit, who has a somewhat complicated “History” with Mr. Ofir HaHatir.

Also, our Legal Department asked us to remind all of you that any resemblance between our line of Barbies and actual people who may or may not live in or around Tel Aviv is strictly coincidental!

Danit lives in Ramat Aviv with her husband Ken Uri The Startup Guy, and her three children Prince, Lolla and Duke. Also their dog Steve.

Barbie Danit drinks green tea every day with her best friend, Barbie Shoshi, who is married to Ken Ron the Chef and is a busy mom and businesswoman. They both do two daily hours of meditation and manifestation, followed by one hour of affirmation and writing down their goals for the day. Then they go out in their yoga pants to run errands and attend business meetings. Neither of them do yoga.

Barbie Danit has a small store in Basel where she sells 400 shekel succulents because hashtag Bossbabe.  However, as she made only 3270 shekels this month (before Vat), Ken Uri will be investing in her business again because it’s a new business full of potential that only started in 2017 and it’s also hashtag relationship goals. Though the ROI is low, Uri the Startup Guy invests because it’s better than the DYI candle business that she had before. Also because Danit doesn’t know what ROI stands for.

Barbie Danit is going to therapy because whenever she sees her Toxic Ex of 17 years ago Ken Ofir HaHatir, (every time she goes to his falafel business by accident), she has a panic attack. Ken Uri the Startup Guy pays for the therapy sessions.

*Barbie Danit Meditation Retreat Outfit and Xanax Pills each sold separately.