By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 17 February 2026 at 7:35 PM
Canada Centre, Metula, Israel: The Daily Freier’s Annual Team Building Retreat was rocked with drama today with the revelation of a cheating scandal. The newspaper’s Judea & Samaria Reporter Chava Ewa was caught making an illegal move during today’s Curling match. Chava, who grew up in Calgary, was filmed greasing the ice with Neil Young’s headband touching the curling stone while it was in motion. Daily Freier management moved swiftly, with Editor Yuval Weiss issuing a statement this afternoon. “Today’s actions by Chava Ewa were unacceptable. Just a few minutes ago she was called into a Disciplinary Hearing where I told her to clear her desk and Get Oot. There’s no ‘Eh’ in ‘Team’. Worst of all, she never even said that she was sorrey.“
For her part, Chava Ewa remained defiant. “Big deal, so I touched the stone. Suddenly it’s Shomer Negiyah?” complained Chava as she took down the Teen Beat Pinup Poster of Justin Trudeau from her work cubicle. “Do you think that actually affects the game? The curling stone weighs like 18 Kilograms. I mean, it’s not made of Aluminiyum. You would think that I bought Dunkin instead of Tim Hortons or something.“
The Daily Freier reached out to Canadian Metis Activist/Israel Advocate Ryan Bellerose for his take on the growing tragedy. “Sports is supposed to be aboot fairness.” noted Ryan as he chased a moose away from his Kibbutz house in Paddle, Alberta. “But let’s not blow this out of proportion. At least she didn’t switch out the Labatts Blue with Bud Lite.” Ryan visibly shuddered when he said ‘Bud Light‘.
While cooler heads in the Anglo Olim Humor Community hoped for a thaw in the current feud, Chava was already rumored to be home binge-watching Degrassi and preparing to crank call the Daily Freier with old bits from SCTV.