Iran furious after Trump sanctions leave them 100% cut off from John Kerry’s lunch money

Kerry Zarif Iran Deal(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 10/22/2017 at 2:30 PM

QomIran’s economy is reeling after news that the Trump Administration will not renew the amazingly-successful-not-at-all-a-suckers-bet Iran Nuclear Deal. The Iran deal, seen as the centerpiece of Barack Obama’s legacy, has now been turned over to Congress for approval or disapproval, thus imperiling Iran’s weekly access to John Kerry’s lunch money. The Daily Freier spoke with Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammed Javad Zarif, who agreed to speak with us “even though you’re calling from the Zionist Entity“.

I cannot understand such a betrayal.” lamented Minister Zarif. “We had a deal. I considered John a friend. I mean, Just last week I sold him a very nice Persian rug for a very, very good price….. a price reserved only for close friends. Mister Kerry was supposed to drop off his lunch money tomorrow. How could this happen?”

Former Secretary of State Kerry was equally upset. “I find it particularly galling, the lack of nuance and appreciation for the diplomatic process in the Trump Administration. Just last week I was discussing the merits of the Iran deal at the Brookings Institute. And now it’s in grave danger. Worst of all, now that I don’t have a weekly appointment to wash Zarif’s car, my schedule is in tatters.

As the interview drew to a close, Secretary Kerry had one more question. “The Daily Freier, eh? I find your newspaper’s name fascinating. Just what is a “Freier” anyway?

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