By Aaron Pomerantz and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 7/20/2014 at 11:26 AM

Tel Aviv, Allenby Street– Tragedy was narrowly averted when Hamas hastily called off a plan for drones to drop hundreds of thousands of tiny business cards advertising the sex industry on Greater Tel Aviv.

“We had a very well planned out operation” said Hamas operative  Abu Ismail.  “We had an Iranian drone and plotted a course going out to sea from Gaza, up the coast past Occupied Jaffa, fly in at 10 feet above the water, pop up when we hit land, and drop the payload.  The entire municipality’s streets would have been covered with thinly veiled advertisements for prostitution.  Men, women, and children would have seen this filth.  Your society would have become even more debased than it is now, no offense.”

When he learned that, in fact, the streets of Tel Aviv were already littered with such items, Abu Ismail was incredulous.  “On one hand I was disappointed.  Our boys trained many months for this sacred mission.  On the other hand, I was kinda cheesed out.  I mean, Really?  Littering the streets with advertisements for the sex industry?  That just goes beyond the limits of good taste.”