By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 3/25/2015 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv: The cops at the police station on Dizengoff Street, ostensibly employed by the same government that meticulously discovered, tracked, and captured prominent Nazi Adolph Eichmann, have absolutely no idea what happened to your yellow Diamondback mountain bike that you left locked to the railing behind your apartment last night.

“You mean to tell me that bicycles are stolen from North and Central Tel Aviv and then sold in South Tel Aviv?” asked a policeman incredulously, just about a mile from the Headquarters where the IDF planned the 1981 destruction of Saddam Hussein’s nuclear reactor at Osirak.

Another policeman (you think his name is Moti. Or maybe Dudi.), also employed by the government that executed the daring 1976 Raid on Entebbe, interjected “And you’re saying that the bikes are just sold out in the open?  On the street?”

The shift chief (wait, this guy is “Dudi”. You think.), in a police station 20 minutes away from where the Mossad tracked in real-time the assassination of Hezbollah mastermind Imad Mugniyeh (STRICTLY A FANCIFUL JEST!!! —The Legal Department), asks “And these bikes are stolen, sold, stolen again, and then re-sold???”

The first cop, again a civil servant in the same government that in 2002 successfully interdicted the Iranian weapons ship “Karine A”, notes dryly “You seem to know a lot about these bikes.  Why don’t you just go there and get your bike back?”