By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 7/20/2015 at 10:20 AM
Tel Aviv, Gordon Beach: After arriving with high hopes of success just 6 weeks ago, Tel Aviv’s Jellyfish population has packed its bags and begun migrating northward toward better opportunities along the Levantine Coast.
“I tried, I really tried.” shared a disappointed medusa Ethan S. “I did Ulpan, but outside of class me and my friends only speak jellyfish and I never really made friends with locals. Also, I’m not sure if this was an issue, but whenever I hung out with Israelis, I would just sting the shit out of them.”
“I just couldn’t afford it.” noted a translucent purple Shoshanna P. “I was living with three roommates in Florentin. I couldn’t find any work besides Forex. I mean, I attack unsuspecting beachgoers with my poisonous tentacles, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do Forex or Binary.”
Ethan was quick to add that he would be back “Sometime next year, after I get my finances together“. But when asked if he might try to stay a little longer, Ethan was insistent that it was time to go. “I’m done……I’m just done…..Plus I want to be gone before all the French arrive in August.”