Citing Soaring Rents, Poor Job Prospects and “Lack of Community”, Jellyfish Depart Tel Aviv

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By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 7/20/2015 at 10:20 AM

Tel Aviv, Gordon Beach: After arriving with high hopes of success just 6 weeks ago, Tel Aviv’s Jellyfish population has packed its bags and begun migrating northward toward better opportunities  along the Levantine Coast.

“I tried, I really tried” shared a disappointed medusa Ethan S. “I did Ulpan, but outside of class me and my friends only speak jellyfish and I never really made friends with locals. Also, I’m not sure if this was an issue, but whenever I hung out with Israelis, I would just sting the shit out of them.”

“I just couldn’t afford it” noted a translucent purple Shoshanna P. “I was living with three roommates in Florentin.  I couldn’t find any work besides Forex.  I mean, I attack unsuspecting beachgoers with my poisonous tentacles, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do Forex or Binary.”

Ethan was quick to add that he would be back “Sometime next year, after I get my finances together”.  But when asked if he might try to stay a little longer, Ethan was insistent that it was time to go. “I’m done……I’m just done…..Plus I want to be gone before all the French arrive in August.”

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