By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 3/28/2017 at 1:00 PM
Tel Aviv, Kikar Milano: Police moved swiftly today to detain a man riding a golf cart around town after receiving an anonymous tip from a concerned eyewitness of a man riding down Ibn Gavriol who only appeared to be in his late early 50’s. The Daily Freier walked down to the police station on Dizengoff and Jabotinsky to find out what the deal was.
When the Daily Freier arrived, police had cordoned off the front of the station, as a gang of irate Senior Citizens on golf carts had converged on the station. The older Israelis continuously attempted to breach the police skirmish line in an effort to get at the young(ish) man who had dared to ride a golf cart. After finally passing inside, the Daily Freier spoke to the lead detective on the case, Avner T., who explained the seriousness of the case.
“This idiot was playing with fire.” explained Avner. “I don’t know who he thought he was, but if we had not gotten to him when we did, those guys outside would have. And it might not have ended very well for him. ” Avner went on to explain the process of procuring a scooter. “First, you need to turn 70. Or 65 if you were a combat veteran. Then you need to take a road test to ensure that you can drive in the left lane of Ben Yehuda Street at 7 Kilometers per hour and refuse to move when cars or buses try to pass you. Also, we require that you strap an old plastic storage bin to your rear bumper with bungee cords.”
After explaining the procedure, Detective Avner allowed us to watch as the police took the testimony of the eyewitness. Alert local Ronit S. explained what she saw today. “So when I was walking home from my yoga class, this guy in a golf cart kept trying to pass me. It had a black plastic rain cover so I thought it might be my grandfather. But as he passed me in the cross walk, I recognized him as the idiot from Misrad HaPnim who kept sexting me by fax last year. That’s when I called the police.”
The Daily Freier cannot WAIT to turn 70 so we can get a golf cart of our own. Then we’ll run this town.
