Last Updated 6/10/2020 at 5:30 PM
Lakewood: A pair of undercover policemen disguised as Religious Jews had their cover blown at this week’s protest in Lakewood after
they said ‘Excuse Me’ when they bumped into someone exhibiting extremely suspicious behavior that immediately identified the men as outsiders to the Community. The Daily Freier has a bit of experience in writing about Undercover Gentiles, so we rushed to the scene to find out just what the heck was going on.
“Their phones were manufactured after 2004.” complained Nachum as he described the undercover cops. “Also, the one guy said he just came from a Simcha but he didn’t have any food wrapped in a napkin stuffed into his pockets.“
“I asked the guys for a cigarette, but they said they didn’t smoke. Crazy, right?” noted local Yeshiva student Moshe. “After neither of them tried to pull me into some kind of Multi-Level Marketing scheme for vitamin supplements, I ran away and called my Rosh Yeshiva.“
Moshe’s classmate Avi then joined in the conversation. “When Moshe asked for a cigarette, the cop accidentally dropped a membership card for…. for….. what’s that place where the Goyim lift the metal bars up and down until they’re sweaty?“
“A Gym?” added the Daily Freier helpfully.
“Yeah, that’s it. A Gym. No way were these guys for real…. well, that and when I said I was single he didn’t try to fix me up with one of his cousins.“
As news of the embarrassing Law Enforcement failure reached the media, the New Jersey State Police were rumored to be stockpiling black pants that don’t actually reach your ankles along with old beat-up minivans.
Editor’s Note: “Lakewood Undercover” would be the World’s Greatest Cop Show.