By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 6 September 2023 at 3:30 PM

Ramallah: With tensions rising throughout the region, Palestinian media stated today that their prisoners in Israeli jails plan a Hunger Strike starting next week. “The Palestinian freedom fighters incarcerated in Israel for their resistance to the occupation to start a hunger strike on September 14 in protest of repressive decisions against them.” reported the WAFA News Agency, which is apparently the Palestinian version of the Daily Freier (Ha Ha, Just kidding! The REAL Palestinian version of the Daily Freier is called the Daily Majnoon, and they still think we Occupied their Bandwidth.)

In related news, Tortit Chocolates is the Proud Sponsor of next week’s Hunger Strike! Tortit Chocolates rose to prominence thanks to Palestinian prisoner Marwan Barghouti, the phoniest Barghouti who does not have a PhD from Tel Aviv University. In addition to being a convicted terrorist, Mr. Barghouti is also a connoisseur of Tortit’s line of tasty yet affordable chocolate snacks. Back in 2017, Barghouti himself went on a Hunger Strike, but with snacks. He was caught on camera enjoying a delicious Tortit chocolate bar, but you can’t really trust the Right Wing Media that reported this, such as, umm, Haaretz.

In an act of Defiant Solidarity, former Palestinian prisoner/”Freshman 15″ Victim Ahed Tamimi proudly informed the Daily Freier that she too will go on a Hunger Strike, but then she asked us if we were going to finish our pizza.