Category: Israeli Politics

Israeli Politics

Zionist Union/Meretz Post-Election Study cancelled because nobody knew a Likud voter

city_of_goldBy Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/23/2015 at 9:20 PM

Tel Aviv, Sheinkin Street: This week’s post-election assessment seminar, an attempt by the losing parties to draw lessons learned and better prepare for the next election, was forced to adjourn when none of the attendees could fathom that anyone voted for a different party.

Ramat Aviv resident Danny C. was incredulous. “I don’t get it.  Nobody at my start-up, nobody in my improv group, literally nobody at the Namal Market–none of them voted differently than me.  I just don’t get it.”  Neve Tzedek resident Dalit S. was equally dumbfounded. “It just doesn’t make sense. I asked everyone at Bikram….nobody. I also wait tables at that vegan place over by Dizengoff Center.  Again, none of my customers voted for those other people.”  In a moment of clarity, Florentin resident Roni P. reflected “It’s almost as if there is some other existence on the other side of Ayalon Highway.  I would like to learn more of this other dimension of existence, but I fear approaching the Forbidden Zone. I could fall off of the Edge of the World.“

Haaretz, Israeli Politics

After Elections, Haaretz Replaces Print Edition With Kleenex, Box of Chocolate, Steel Magnolias DVD

crying-1

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/22/2015 at 5:20 PM

Tel Aviv As the repercussions of last week’s elections continue to ripple through Israel, the Haaretz editorial board has decided that the most appropriate service it can render its readership this week is not a newspaper, but rather some tissues, a box of chocolates, and a good tear-jerker of a movie. “Our readers are hurting, and we need to help them.” read Haaretz Editorial Board’s statement last night.  “We felt that for the Left, this would be the most cathartic response to what happened.  In addition, it might stop some of us from telling our political opponents that they are Neanderthals who should drink cyanide (Note: This really happened!)“.  With the success of their newspaper replacement this week, Haaretz plans to replace its online edition with an Itunes Playlist consisting of songs by Morrissey, The Cure, and Dido.

 

Hanin Zoabi, Israeli Politics

NGO’s Criticize Israel for Sentencing At-Risk Youth to Spend Time with Hanin Zoabi

Haneen-ZoabiBy Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 7/17/2014 at 4:15 PM

Jerusalem–In a joint statement, B’Tselem and Rabbis For Human Rights lambasted  credible reports that Israel’s juvenile justice system forced at-risk youth to spend time with MK Hanin Zoabi (Balad).  Israel’s version of the “Scared Straight” program popularized in the United States starting in the 1970’s was condemned by Rabbis for Human Rights’ Stanley Finkelstein; “This sort of disproportionate response by Israeli authorities cannot stand.  It does not contribute to peace, and I am going to catch hell from the Oxfam guys during tomorrow’s monthly Board Meeting at the Ann Arbor Food Co-Op”.  Shuki Cohen, Spokesman for Israel’s Department for Juvenile Justice defended the practice, stating “We just wanted to scare the kids with a really unpleasant experience, but without all the creepy ‘Tossed Salad’ references from the American version.”

MK Zoabi, for her part reacted angrily to the effort, stating “I do not recognize the legitimacy of this action by the Fascist Government and I do not recognize this interview conducted by the Occupier. ” Then she shoved us and stormed off.

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