Tag: Hanin Zoabi

Tell the Knesset to end Oren Hazan’s suspension NOW!

Sign the Daily Freier’s petition to reinstate Oren Hazan today!


We hereby demand that the Knesset reinstate MK Oren Hazan, immediately and unconditionally. Why? Because we are trying to run a humor site over here, and Oren is the greatest cure to writer’s block since Yair Netanyahu stopped inviting us out to the clubs.

Without Oren Hazan around, who is going to wave a tasty Tortit brand chocolate bar in Aymen Odeh’s face? Nobody, that’s who.

Without Mr. Hazan, who is going to cluck like a chicken during an argument with Ahmed Tibi? Huh?

Not to mention the fact that this suspension is putting at risk the Knesset’s greatest “Fun Couple”: Oren and Hanin Zoabi. Without Mr. Hazan around, nobody knows what Ms. Zoabi will do next. Actually, we have an idea. But it’s nuts.

Bottom Line: The Knesset needs to reinstate Mr. Hazan, so the Daily Freier can go back to writing stories that really just write themselves.

So write to feedback@knesset.gov.il today, and tell them to bring back Oren now!

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July 2022: Prime Minister Zoabi forms Coalition after promising Shas & Haredim control of the Kotel plus Army Deferments

By The Daily Freier Martyrs Brigade, a Division of +972

Last Updated 7/3/2022

Al-Quds: In a dramatic last-minute political coup, Prime Minister Hanin Zoabi clinched a majority coalition after promising the Shas and United Torah Judaism political parties increased subsidies, a complete deferment of military service for Yeshiva Students, full veto power over future conversions, plus total control over the Western Wall. The newly re-named Daily Freier Martyrs Brigade was on the scene at the Knesset  Majlis to get all of the details on this exciting development.

A defiant MK Litzman explained his decision to join Prime Minister Zoabi’s Cabinet. “People are saying this may be the end of the State of Israel, and I tell them ‘So what?’ I mean, we stood up for principles and refused to give in to a bunch of fake Jews. Plus, our subsidies went up 20%. Now if you’ll excuse me, Foreign Minister Tibi is calling a meeting on Implementation Phase One for the Right of Return.

Despite a final push to unite the Zionist Parties and withstand Zoabi’s coalition, it was all for naught. At a hastily held Press Conference, their former leaders tried to make sense of it all. Zehava Gal-On admitted that it would have been smarter to also campaign east of Ibn Gavriol Boulevard.  Next, Bougie Herzog was supposed to address the audience but nobody remembered to call him. Later, Tzipi Livni explained how things would have worked out better if she had been in charge. Meanwhile, a despondent Bibi Netanyahu sulked in the corner. “I can’t believe that Shas and United Torah Judaism would betray me like this. I mean, what kind of person goes back on a deal simply for a short-term political gain?

For her part, Prime Minister Zoabi was quite relaxed about the maneuver. “I had to promise them full control over the Wall and the Conversion process. But I figure, ‘Let the Dhimmis sort out the Dhimmis.’ You know what I’m saying? Not my business…. Plus, I had to promise Universal Draft Deferments for all Yeshiva students between the age of 18 and 40, but it was worth it. Besides, I have no idea what General Barghouti will want to do with the “IDF” once it merges into Fatah’s Security Service.”

#SorryNotSorry

Wait, I’m No Longer The Most Disloyal Lawmaker in Israel?

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Listen, I take pride in my work. Being the most disloyal lawmaker in “Israel” is not easy. And as a woman you have to work twice as hard to be recognized as number one when it comes to seeking the destruction of Israel as the homeland of the Jewish people. But through hard work and sacrifices (don’t get me started about dating), I have succeeded against all odds.

(The Daily Freier is over at Israellycool today. Check us out!)

Womens’ Gaza Flotilla delayed after getting Lost & stopping for Directions

Womens Gaza flotilla Daily FreierBy Emily Goldstein and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/17/2016 at 9:00 AM

Barcelona: A Women-Only “Flotilla to Gaza” has run into an unexpected problem after getting lost somewhere between Barcelona and Sardinia.  The Flotilla, which set out to show Solidarity with a regime that promotes Honor Killings and Polygamy the women of Gaza, has been at sea for four days and according to the latest Blog entry of Bree Skyfire-Williams, one of the Ship’s four Co-Captains, they have “like no idea where they are” and “need to maybe stop another ship and ask for directions or something.” The Daily Freier was able to communicate further with the crew via What’s-App whenever they got some decent Wi-Fi.

I think our problems started before we even got on the boat.” explained Jade, who took a month off of work from her job at the World Bank in order to participate. Jade, who was appointed to the Packing and Supply Committee, described the chain of events. “I mean our  Ships’ Manifest didn’t account for everyone packing way too much stuff for the trip.” To further drive home this point, Jade showed us the packing list of Melissa from the (Fair Trade) Coffee Committee:

A cold weather outfit, a warm weather outfit, some formal wear in case we go some place nice, a hat, boots, my laptop, Uggs, a yoga mat, yoga pants, French press, a little black dress, 5 swimsuits, hair dryer, 9 pairs of shoes, waffle iron, Crocs, coconut oil, scrunchies, my journal, crystals, ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho, a headscarf, and my rice cooker.”

Jade continued. “Now just multiply that by 20 women, and, well, we had to unload the two boxes of stuff we had for Gaza.

The boat suffered a further delay when after stopping to ask some Moroccan fishermen how to get to “The Occupied Territories“, the fishermen directed the boat to Ceuta and Melilla.

As the ship continued to flounder lost at sea, Hanin Zoabi attempted to steer the ship “properly“, leaving some hurt feelings. Bree explained.  “I just feel that Hanin’s tone was being like, really hurtful? The navigation committee worked on our planned route for like six months? And changing course is a really big step? I just think we really need to discuss this. And discuss. And discuss. And discuss.

In a separate conversation, Laurel provided a counterpoint to Bree’s contention. “I don’t want to say that she’s jealous, but ever since I was elected to chair the meals and snacks committee, Bree has just been making some real sniping comments without actually contributing to any of the constructive dialogue.”

When Bree got wind of Laurel’s position, she replied. “I mean, this is coming from a very deep and sacred place? But I really can’t stand Laurel.

While the Israeli Navy has demonstrated a noted sense of relief from the Flotilla’s Delay, they maintain a contingency plan: an all-Frechot boarding team consisting of Maytal, Maygal, Roni, Meirav, Moran, and Stav.

At last report, the Flotilla had diverted to Tuscany in order to go antiquing this Sunday.

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Vancouver: We Booked Noa Because Hanin Zoabi Was Busy

Noa-Photo-screenshot-YouTube-Eurovision

(Photo Credit: Eurovision)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 2/15/2016 at 9:30 PM

Vancouver: The City’s Jewish Federation responded today to public outcry concerning their decision to invite controversial singer and Left Wing Activist Achinoam “Noa” Nini for their Israeli Independence Day festivities.  Ms. Nini, a talented Israeli singer/songwriter, is not shy about expressing her views on how much Israeli leaders and voters totally suck.  Yet while the situation has ruffled some feathers, the Federation stressed that the decision to book Noa was taken simply because Hanin Zoabi’s Spring schedule just could not accomodate a trip to Canada. Ms. Zoabi, a member of the Israeli Knesset when she is not sailing on boats with Hamas,  has been busy filming a pilot for BBC, running Israel’s version of “Scared Straight” for at-risk youth, and getting suspended from the Knesset for holding a moment of silence for people who stabbed Jews.  Ms Zoabi reacted with regret to the missed opportunity. “As much as I wanted to participate in Vancouver’s  Naqba Day Yom Ha’atzmaut festival, I just have too much going on.

Vancouver Federation spokesperson David G. explained his organization’s stance. “When we saw Ms. Zoabi’s performance in Amsterdam for Kristallnacht, we were just blown away. Simply amazing how she commemorated a solemn memorial to the Holocaust by trashing Israel.  So we really hoped we could book her to do a Spoken Word Poetry Slam.  But unfortunately, she just had too much on her plate.  It is for this reason that we booked Ms. Nini, and we are sure she will do just as well!”

For her part, Noa plans a performance that will include (Spoiler Alert!)  some of her original works, plus some songs by Roger Waters.

Reaction from Israel’s political arena was swift, with Naftali Bennett declaring that since Noa is now recognized as a political expert, that he plans to release a hip-hop album. Yet at the same time, many of Noa’s fans are traveling from near and far to see her.  The Daily Freier spoke to longtime fan Dickie Silverstein. “I really want to come up from Seattle for the concert, so I went on my blog to solicit donations to pay for my bus ticket and a room at the Super 8. So far I’ve raised enough money to get to Bellingham. I can’t wait!”

While Yom Ha’atzmaut 2016 is still months away, planning is already underway for Vancouver’s 2017 event.  “I can’t stress enough just how long it takes to plan these events to perfection. It is for this reason that we have already set up a committee to plan next year’s event.”  When the Daily Freier asked David for specifics on what they could expect, he coyly stated “All I can say is: Cat Stevens, call your agent!

 

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Las Estrellas de la Nueva Serie de Detectives Femeninos de la BBC Serán Hanin Zoabi y Margot Wallstrom

wallstrom-and-zoabi

Londres- La BBC dio a conocer su más reciente serie detectivesca para la primavera que se titulará “Wallstrom & Zoabi: Causas profundas“, un fascinante drama protagonizado por Hanin Zoabi y Margot Wallstrom, representando a dos poco escrupulosas detectives que resuelven crímenes mientras tratan de encontrar un perfecto equilibrio entre su trabajo y su vida en un mundo dominado por hombres.

Además de la canciller sueca Wallstrom y la miembro de la Knésset Zoabi (por el partido árabe Balad), la serie también contará con George Galloway (un conocido y estrafalario político antisionista británico) como su adorable y gruñón jefe de Policía, así como el diputado Jeremy Corbyn representando al colaborador fiscal del distrito, aunque algo cómicamente inepto, recibiendo ambos una importante e inexplicable promoción en la primera temporada. (También se rumorea que ambos podrían desarrollar un posible interés amoroso con las protagonistas en futuros episodios)

Producida por Roger Waters, la serie tiene un toque único en el que no importa cuál es el delito o quienes son los sospechosos, ya que el constante resultado final es que Israel es el culpable. El Sr. Waters explicó sus primeras preocupaciones para esta serie. “Al principio tenía miedo de que el hecho de que Israel siempre fuera el malo de la serie pudiera ser excesivo incluso para los ejecutivos de la cadena, pero entonces me dije, !! Tío, esto es la BBC !!“.

Por su parte, la BBC se siente segura de que ha tenido un golpe de suerte con la presencia de esta serie en su programación.  “Sentimos que a pesar de la leve previsibilidad de su enfoque, tendrá un fuerte atractivo para su objetivo principal: la audiencia“. El portavoz de la BBC, Stewart P. señaló que “ahora que Al Jazeera America cesa sus emisiones, vemos ahí una oportunidad real para capturar a su audiencia“.

En el episodio piloto, “!!! Spoiler !!!“, Hanin y Margot investigan las “razones de fondo” para una serie de asesinatos en París. Tras una hora de agotador trabajo detectivesco y de una persecución en coche, el dúo determina que el culpable “era Israel“.

La química entre las estrellas sueca y palestina sin duda brillará a lo largo de la serie, con la impetuosa Zoabi llamando a los policías árabes israelíes “traidores“, y la más matizada Wallstrom encontrando la manera de conseguir ser declarada persona non grata tanto en Arabia Saudita como en Israel. Mientras tanto, ambas utilizarán el enfoque de “cerebro más que fuerza física“, aunque sin miedo de patear algún culo cuando sea necesario. En una escena del segundo episodio, un guardia de seguridad intenta escoltar a Hanin Zoabi para que salga de una habitación, siendo empujado violentamente por Hanin.

Un episodio ya planificado que mostraba a la pareja investigando si el “asesinato policial en Suecia de un asaltante que con un arma asaltó violentamente una escuela violaba el derecho internacional“, fue cancelado debido a su falta de interés.