Tag: The Moon

Top Ten Excuses for Israel’s Moon Crash

1. Onboard computer kept muttering “yihiyeh b’seder” & smoking a cigarette while holding the controls with just one hand.

2. Lunar Rover pushed to the front of the capsule before the lander had come to a complete stop.

3. The Fax machine broke.

4. Robot was busy cleaning capsule for Chometz and forgot to deploy rocket thrusters.

5. Difficult to hear commands over all the Pink Floyd music.

6. Maybe the shuttle’s Vaad Bayit could have cleaned the windows once in a while.

7. Diverted at last-minute to avoid landing on top of the Moon’s Chabad House.

8. Opening the bamba in Zero Gravity was a really bad idea.

9.  Lunar rover became Baal T’shuva and refused to deploy on Shabbat

10. Naftali Bennett kept pestering us for our ballots.

 

 

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Trump bashes Lunar Eclipse for no-show over United States

By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 7/28/2018 at 1:15 PM

The Sea of Tranquility: The Moon has pleaded for UN intervention after it was slapped with harsh sanctions by Donald Trump for its failure to show over North America.

Visible across most of the world apart from the Western Hemisphere, the longest lunar eclipse did not turn red over Washington…. but Mr. Trump did, tweeting: “There’ll be NO more manned NASA flights, no investment in Crescent Moon Towers and I’m pulling the Ambassador. I’ll give them Star Wars.

After this Close Encounter of The Trump Kind, the Moon told the UN: “This is blatant discrimination with no sanctions imposed on other orbiting Celestial Bodies.”

But Donald hit back: “I’ve had enough of solar systems taking advantage of America for too long and jobs going to extraterrestrials. It started years ago with Saturn running rings around us. Then we found out that Pluto isn’t even a real planet. Well, enough. I won’t change my (Nep)tune or be made to look like Ur anus. #MAGA!

Bonnie Tyler could not be reached for comment.